2020-05-30 — Meh

I don’t really have much to say today. I know, I know. Normally verbose Stephen is at a loss?

Yup.

Maybe I’ll come up with something as I go. For the moment, though…

I spent the first half of the day alternately down for no apparent reason or angry/frustrated at the taxes I have to so. Perhaps the down is lack of sleep. I’m feeling it a bit right now, down/discouraged/whatever (not angry/frustrated) but for no good reason. Things have been going fine. The business is doing well. I think we might have broken another record this month for number of cars done in a month?

…

Yeah… I just counted. Smashed the record. 138 cars in May. That’s like 15% higher than the next closest. So business is good. I’m making lots of positive progress personally–exercising, learning to say no more often. I turned down probably 5+ jobs today that in times past I probably would have taken. I’m not wasting my time on TV and movies anymore. I’ve replaced that time with writing in this public blog/journal, which has changed my life enormously. I’ve been… I don’t know how long free of porn/sex addiction (though the customer with her chest hanging out of her tank top was a good bit distracting today). 🤪

On Tangent: I’d really be curious to hear the perspective of women who wear low cut clothes? What goes through their minds when they see a person looking at her chests instead of their eyes. I mean, it’s easy enough for me to tell when a woman looks down at my mouth, so it’s gotta be abundantly clear to a woman when a person drops the gaze another 45 degrees. Is it annoying? Is it expected and just routine? Is it flattering and hoped for? Obviously there are billions of women and perhaps just as many differing perspectives, but I’d still be curious to hear.

Off Tangent: Anyway, so I’ve been making great progress, so why feeling down? Maybe it really is just the lack of sleep. i’ll try and get a decent amount tonight. Perhaps I’ll feel better tomorrow.

The other part of my first half of the day was my anger/frustration. It had to do with my property taxes, sitting in my recliner for hours upon hours trying to get all the tools I own as a business listed out with a purchase date, purchase price, and a current estimated value.

Oh… my little brain that thrives on efficiency just goes nuts. I spend 10-15 hours of my time to pay the government what, $100? $200 in business property taxes. In those same hours, I could have brought in easily that much in sales tax revenue for the state, county, and city. I could have brought in plenty in income tax, medicare, etc, on top of that. I could have brought in all sorts of money for governments. But instead of benefiting a customer with services provided, benefiting myself with increased income and getting money to the government so they can do the things they need to do to provide the services we enjoy, I spend all that time and only get the money to the government.

My efficiency bone (which is pretty much my whole me. I don’t have fingers or elbows or fibulas, tibulas, or ribulas. I just have one big bone, my efficiency bone (and I guess two really pissed off “funny bones.”) just goes crazy.  I could be so much more productive, earning even more for the government if I could just use my time to better use. Not to mention it’s honestly a mental health issue for me–the stress and strain and anxiety of trying get all that stuff done is real. That might also be what threw me for a loop today emotionally.

There’s plenty more that can be said, but… I just don’t have it in me to care enough to write it right now. I’m tired. My eyes are heavy, and it’s just past 11. I want to get to bed in the next 10 minutes to hopefully get closer to my tentative 11-7 routine.

Anyway, I didn’t end up doing any jobs at all today, personally. David did four. I had a big one scheduled, got out there, and realized I’d gotten the diagnosis wrong the last time, so I didn’t charge her for going out, and I didn’t do the work because it didn’t need what I thought it did. I guess at midnight in the dark, what I felt wasn’t what I thought it was (lots of 12/6 play in the wheel generally indicating a bad wheel bearing that in this case was just a different rear end setup than I’m used to, with the flex of the control arm bushings making the same sounds and movements as a wheel bearing going out.

Whoops… just fell asleep.

Honestly, I don’t mind not making much money today. It was a long, hard day, and… So it wasn’t a great money day. So what? At the moment, I’m sane, and I can go to sleep.

I’ll call that a victory for today (although some might argue my sanity). 🤪

So with that…

#1. I’m grateful that I have David working for me, so that today wasn’t a total washout. It was a bit of a rough day for him as well (he had a 2-hour job take 5 hours).

Whoops… again.

#2. I’m grateful for Burger King hot and spicy chicken nuggets–8/$1. So good. They were fresh today, too. I had to wait in the parking lot for more to cook because they didn’t have any already made up.

#3. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to spend some time giving love to Che. We didn’t go running today, but I sat out on the front porch with her for a while tonight. She really appreciates the company.

#4. I’m grateful that I made headway on my property taxes. I’m still probably gonna get fined for being late because I still have questions that I might need a person to answer, and it’s all due tomorrow. But at least I made headway, and the fine probably won’t be more than $50, and I’ll take a $50 fine any day if my mental health will improve by giving me more time to get this all done.

#5. I’m grateful to have managed to not have any full crashes physically (my unknown condition) in a while (knock on wood).

I won’t tell you that I just fell asleep again.

I’m looking forward to my Sunday and my third night in a row with my phone off.

Thanks, for the comments, my peeps. I appreciate you caring enough to take the time to comment and share your lives and thoughts with me. Loves and hugs to you and all.

Lift the World.

~ stephen