2020-06-07 — Decisively Indecisive

Hey, y’all. Happy Sunday! (again 😊)

I actually did close my blinds last night, so that the sun wouldn’t wake me up, and do you know what? I still woke up at 6 something, I think it was 🙃. Granted, I did go right back to sleep, waking up probably every hour or so until I think maybe… 10 something? I think I ended up with around 8 hours of sleep. 😴

Historically, my body has needed about 8 1/2 to 9 hours of sleep to function optimally, I think, but I haven’t gotten that regularly for quite a while, and apparently, my body has gotten used to being short on sleep, at least my internal clock has.

Anyway, it was nice to get some sleep.

I had a little bit of my usual day-off blues, when, since I’m not so focused on working, I notice a little bit more where my life is and feel the loneliness that I don’t notice as much because of the frantic pace of the work week.

I was also exhausted, which I’m sure lends itself to that (feeling a bit blue) as well. It probably wasn’t until mid-to-late afternoon that I started feeling a little more energy and was able to function more normally. Mostly, though I just dragged, and so lots of the things I usually do on my day off I didn’t do, so I’m a bit behind still…

Oh well… At least I have clean clothes for work tomorrow. 😊

I was wanting to write some more thoughtful posts today instead of just journal entries, but again, I was just so tired that I couldn’t really do anything other than consume. I did try to make my consumption more educational, watching part of a documentary on the plant and animal life of the Red Sea and Gulf (on either side of Saudi Arabia), and I watched another documentary called 13th that a gentleman client of mine recommended to me (If you’re curious, I don’t consider this to be going against my no TV/movies thing, as the purpose of that is getting away from wasted time on entertainment that I’d be better off avoiding anyway. Educational, constructive stuff like this documentary is different in my book).

Anyway, the client is the one from a few weeks ago that I’d mentioned having had that good conversation with. He happens to be black, and we talked a bit about what’s going on with the George Floyd protests and all that, which he’s been participating in to some degree or another, I think. I’ve told him about my humanitarian/peace/understanding hopes for the organization I’m in the process of starting to create, and he’s interested in being a part of it, specifically the “Walk a Mile Project” that I’ve wanted to do for years and years.

You know, given everything that’s going on, perhaps now is a prime opportunity to start the project, and hopefully a movement of sorts, and really make a difference.

Anyway, the documentary was instructive and worth watching in my opinion, and I would recommend it for anyone who wants to gain insight into the perspectives that some black people have about racism against black people in the more recent history of the United States. I feel like watching it was beneficial to me. It helps me gain a better understanding and appreciation for those black people who identify with the events and perspectives as portrayed in the documentary.

You know, it’s an interesting time we live in. There is so much information everywhere. The older I get, the less comfortable I am “taking a side.”

In fact, I don’t usually–as I feel my own experience has taught me that so much information is required to properly understand something–the various perspectives, facts, etc–that few people (including myself) have the time let alone have taken the time to be significantly/sufficiently educated on the given topic. As a result, I’ve found that much of what I’m told or taught, much of what is shared with me, be it from liberal or conservative media, politicians, every-day janes and joes about x thing/circumstance, historical event, product, “fact” of life, etc., is often incomplete, inaccurate, unbalanced, tainted with agenda, incorrectly presented as dichotomous/dualistic, etc–even when motives are good.

The longer I live, the more I have found that in any given public debate, private or public claim–from the most trivial to the most significant, I simply, generally, don’t know enough to have a properly informed opinion, and the research necessary to gain that properly informed opinion is generally more than I can realistically give to it.

And that’s just for one topic/issue/event, etc.

That’s why the concept of principles and acting on principle (as opposed to situationally-defined values) is so important to me and why I’m focusing on the peace/unity/love route. I know the value of those things. I know those truths. I can wholeheartedly advocate for those things. I may not know about a given issue well enough to fully understand the various perspectives of the people involved, which might be as numerous as the number of people involved, but I can generally identify pretty quickly where we deviate from the principles of love, compassion, understanding, kindness, justice, etc. Although, even in those areas it’s not always fully cut and dried.

Anyway, I may well be an advocate’s nightmare for anyone campaigning for X thing, because I might not feel like I can make a properly informed decision because there’s so much to understand before taking a stance in many cases, but I can advocate for love, and empathy, understanding, acceptance, truth, redemption, etc.

Anyway, it’s now almost 1, and I’ve once again handicapped the start of my week by getting to bed late (sigh).

Hopefully, something I’ve written today will make the loss of sleep worth it for someone who reads this.

#1. I’m grateful for this medium of ideological exchange (blogs/posting/internet, etc.).

#2. I’m grateful I was able to catch up with my Dad and Cindy today about what’s going on in their lives. It had been a minute since I’d talked to them.

#3. I’m grateful for air conditioning. It’s been beastly hot, and I’m grateful to have been able to spend some good time indoors and with AC.

#4. I’m grateful to have people who want to participate in the humanitarian work I want to do.

#5. I’m grateful to have a refrigerator and food so easily at my disposal. It’s sooooo convenient. So many around the world don’t enjoy the conveniences I do.

Good night, my lovelies. May you sleep well and have happy dreams.

Lift the World.

~ stephen

Oh, by the way, if you’re curious where all those things stand that I’m keeping track of: 63, 71, 62, 36, 26. Still going strong.