2020-07-20 — Twice My Savior

Hola, mi peeps,

Happy Monday. 🙂

I don’t feel like I have much to say today. Or rather, I feel like a tired little blog whose days are all sounding the same with little in the way of adventure or inspiration to capture the imagination of my readers. 😞

I mean… It’s been another absolutely crazy day inside this little dude’s heart and brain, but all the details of this experience are private for the time being, which doesn’t help y’all any. I wish they weren’t (the details needing to be private, that is), but they really do need to be at this point. It’s important. Perhaps in the future, I can share it all. I believe if and when that day comes, it’ll be a quite the story to hear, however it turns out in the end.

For as much as I can tell, I spent the morning a little stressed over the same old stuff from the last 2 1/2 weeks. I lost the peace that I had two days ago, and the calm I had yesterday. It’s so hard to hold onto. It’s so easy to let fear creep in, to hold onto the hopes of outcomes instead of just letting go and letting what will be… be.

So I was nervous for a little while, and then I was fine for a few hours, calm and doing well, and then I was a mess for a few hours… and then I was at peace for a few hours. Quite the roller coaster. Right now… I’m not at 100% peace, but I’m calm and without much if any anxiety at all, so that’s nice. I do have some anticipation for that thing I mentioned a couple days ago that I was at complete peace about that I thought might happen that night. Well… it ended up getting postponed until tonight, and fortunately, I was still at peace with it.

Still, I’m looking forward to hearing about the experience from my friend. For her sake, I hope it was a positive one, for all involved.

I ended up going out to work for the second half of the day, doing three cars, and trying to deal with that hardest part of my day (emotionally) while working on one of those three cars. It can be hard. Very hard. But I suppose in times like that, when you’re also forced to give your attention to someone else to help them with their needs, it can be helpful in dulling the blast of emotions that could easily overwhelm.

On a different note, a buddy of mine who wants to work for me texted me a bunch today. He’ll hear sometime in the next week or so if he gets into the mechanic school down here. If he does, he’ll work for me part time. If he doesn’t, he’ll work for me full time, which would pretty much completely free me up to… just take calls or hire a secretary and retire. I’d like that.

Yep. I would. 😁

Would be sooooooo nice to have two mechanics!

Anyway, you’ve heard my pining for more help for a good long while. We’ll see what happens.

I would like to mention that for the second time in three days, my wonderful friend came to my rescue, saving me from myself. When I was struggling and grasping for answers and hope, she helped me get my focus back where it needed to be with some very wise counsel about letting go of trying to guess the future and simply trusting and letting it come. It calmed my heart very quickly, and I just sort of… became settled in body, mind, and spirit.

I’ve done well with that same peace for pretty much the rest of the night.

I did have a tad bit of stress, but only a little, and it was mostly unrelated to all that other stuff. It was actually because today was the deadline for getting my sales tax info for the month of June turned in to the state (hence my still getting to bed late despite my successfully starting my new 9 p.m. self-imposed social curfew. Fortunately, with the tax stuff, I managed to squeak it in by the skin of my teeth with two minutes to spare–11:58 p.m. 😅

Thank goodness.

Anyway… folks, the journey continues… Thanks, for being along for the ride.

#1. I’m grateful for my friend for being there in my times of need.

#2. I had another friend who was struggling a little bit today, and I was able to be there for him a little bit, and I’m grateful for that. It’s a privilege to lift and encourage people through hard times.

#3. I’m grateful for inspiring music. This one has been a help today to me and I think to one of my friends.

#4. I’m grateful for three days in a row of being able to eat real food. I didn’t get as much today because I didn’t eat for the first half of the day, and then I worked the rest of the day without eating as well. Fortunately, by the time it was dinner, my friend had helped to calm my heart and bring me peace, so I was able to eat. It might sound dumb, but this is my life right now–just being emotionally in a place to be able to eat is something to be grateful for. 🙂

#5. I’m grateful that I’m turning back into the old me. I haven’t sworn for I don’t even know how long. Though I’ve gotten angry at a car or two, it’s much less than what it used to be. I’m so grateful.

Well, folks, loves and hugs to all y’all.

Lift the World

~ stephen