Hola, mon peoples,
Happy Thursday 🙂.
I finally got a good night’s sleep, getting to bed at a decent hour and sleeping a good while.
It was also nice to have a lighter day, with David and I both taking the day off, so it was just answering phones, doing quotes, and scheduling for me.
I spent most of my day in a park just meditating, reading, studying, pondering… It was nice. Had a really good conversation with my friend Cory. I’ve been pondering about love, and we talked about love and pride and all that good stuff. I’ve missed having gospel conversations, and my conversations with Cory are some of my favorites ever.
Faith has also been on my mind a good bit lately. I’m in the middle of a circumstance that is requiring what for me is pretty significant faith. I’m choosing to trust as much as I ever have, and it’s hard, very hard, but today had been good, despite the great challenges. There’s been lots of pain and sadness, but I’m grounded and in a good place.
I’ve also been pondering about this whole beauty thing and my struggles being the poster child for only seeing as beautiful what our American society says is beautiful–models, movie stars, etc.
I felt like I was making some progress (and I am), but I was brought back down to earth pretty quickly when a group of attractive young women came to the park, all of whom fit society’s mold. It was a little discouraging, not terribly, but a little, almost like they were planted there right at that time when I was working on that particular shortcoming of mine and were there just to burst my bubble and try to discourage me.
I don’t give up though.
I will overcome. I will find a way, God willing.
I met up with Cory for dinner, and we had a good time, chatting some more about love and my situation and my day to that point. He’d also had an experience just recently in preparing to give me the blessing he gave me yesterday or whenever it was. That experience for him also shifted his understanding of love, and we chatted about that a little bit. Good stuff.
Then I visited my friend Robyn, and we chatted for a good, long time. It’s funny, life is so much the same in so many ways each time we visit with each other. Catching up takes all of a minute, and then we just talk.
I had the opportunity to give her a blessing. I hadn’t given a blessing in… Probably well over two years, and it was a really beautiful experience.
For purposes of accountability, I’m not really tempted by pornography right now. The addiction appears to have been taken away, but if there were a day that I would slip, today would be that day. It’s been hard to keep my thoughts where I want them today.
One day… one day I will be the master if my mind. I will be the master of my heart, my eyes will see clearly, and my heart will love perfectly.
Until that time, I will do something else that I’ve been slow to do or been unable to do in my life before: I will simply accept where I’m at without trying to ignore that I might actually be there. I’m going to accept it, be kind to myself just as I am, despite my failings, and then I’ll work on them; but I’m going to open my eyes to them and accept them.
It does me no good to avoid digging into where I’m at simply because I’m afraid of what I’ll find. Dig in. Accept. Forgive myself. And work to change–being kind to myself in the journey.
#1. I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to give Robyn a blessing. That’s one of my favorite things to do in the whole world.
#2. I’m grateful for my meditation time and this app (Insight Timer). It’s all a blessing.
#3. I’m grateful to be able to be getting to bed close to my actual bed time (cross your fingers, anyway, it’s 10:22).
#4. I’ve been a little overwhelmed lately at the myriad of personal shortcomings that have plopped themselves right in front of my face, but I’m grateful to be positive about them at the moment.
#5. I’m grateful for wildlife and a gentle heart–I found myself trying to feed the flies and the various bugs instead of being annoyed at them or trying to kill them. I rescued a moth that had gotten caught in the creek. It’s a much happier, more serene place to be looking upon this world’s little creatures with compassion and love.
Oh! I saw a bobcat today! I couldn’t get my phone camera on in time to record it. I followed it to a thicket where I thought it went, but no dice. Couldn’t find it. Oh well, super cool, nonetheless.
To be better…
#1. Better control over my thoughts.
#2. Want to be better at disciplining myself to take care of myself properly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
Well, my Lovelies, it’s been another good day, and I’m grateful to feel like I’m making progress, even if it’s just little by little.
Loves and hugs to all of you.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 