Hey, folks, I’m tired. I’m probably not gonna write much tonight.
It’s 9:48 p.m. right now, so I’m behind, but not terribly. Scheduling for tomorrow is pretty much done, so that’s good. I won’t be up doing that or really anything else that will need to keep me awake, so maybe I’ll do fine tonight. 10:30 is probably a reasonable bet. Cross your fingers.
So… let’s see… today… I stayed home! That was nice. I’m feeling really low at the moment–came on the last few hours, so it’s not really representative of the day. It’s just… how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m a roller coaster of emotions. Have been for a long time now with all the things I wrestle with internally.
It’s been nice to have things a little slower, to have enough work to keep David busy but to allow me to stay home.
Since I was home, I got some good work done in the yard. I got one of my trucks running and up for sale on Facebook. I got the weeds I weedwhacked around the garden burned. I made small bits of progress cleaning the garage and the laundry room and my room.
I got up at 5:30 again. Three days in a row now. 🙂
I probably haven’t told you, and just FYI this might well be TMI for you, but it’s my life, and as much as isn’t directly connected to someone else’s life, it’s transparent, so… I bought a pair of winter gloves and have been wearing them to bed the last… two days. And, guess what? Two days without the “night thing.” I know that’s not much, but right now, I’ll take it.
So… three days in a row getting my dailies done, my 5×5, etc.
Progress.
Oh, I realized yesterday I forgot a couple of my 5x5s, but I *thought* I forgot I hadn’t done them and would have had a remembered, so I’m leaving the streak alive–3 days.
I’m all over the place. Highlight of the day was the gospel conversation I had this morning with my friend Brittani. It was awesome. Quite the contrast to how I’m feeling right now.
Anyway, folks, I’m feeling pretty rough and low right now. I’m off to bed.
Well… better not forget these babies.
#1. I’m grateful that David had enough work today and that he’s gonna have a packed schedule tomorrow, and that I was better at communicating with people today. I even remembered (once) to send that “ping me if I don’t get back to you fast enough” text. So… progress.
#2. I’m grateful for the cooler weather. It’s sooooo nice. It was probably around 80 for a high? And it was breezy. It was so much nicer than it’s been.
#3. I’m grateful to be making progress in the house, making it look like someone cares. I got the porch cleaned off, the leaves, the things that have been hanging out there for months/years.
#4. I’m grateful for fruit (not fruit phones, mind you 😉). Had a nice smoothie today. Getting my fruits and veggies in much better these days, though I just remembered that I didn’t get my veggies in today, just the fruits–a couple avocados, mini oranges, pineapple, bananas, etc. Good stuff. I’m eating better. I’m gonna keep working on that.
#5. I’m grateful that with the gazillions of brown recluses we have in the house, no one has been bitten. I wonder if the babies are more venomous than the adults like lots of other critters? I’ve been seeing more babies/juveniles lately.
Loves and hugs, peeps.
Oh! By way of accountability… here we be… and thanks, for your support!
| Journal | Sugar Free | No TV/Movie | Swearing | Porn Free | Up at 5:30 | Exercise | 5X5 | Dailies |
| 171 | 163 | 136 | 99 | 6 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 |
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 
💛5×5….keep sharing🌼💛👍
Thanks, PEAKSPEAK. 🙂 Onward and upward!
Hi, Stephen! The regularity of your highs and lows could very well be physical/chemical. If handling the lows on your own gets too difficult, science is your friend. Also, as you struggle with shame about your night thing, please remember that this night thing is 100 percent normal for males of all species. Attaching guilt and meaning to a natural process is doing you no favors. Just my 2 cents. If you’d been given a science based upbringing you could have been spared so much anguish. My heart aches for your heart. ❤️
Thanks, tish! The reason for the highs and lows is that I am going through the most difficult experience of my life, just behind the scenes. It involves somebody else, or else I would be talking about it directly on my blog, but it’s a pretty sensitive situation. It just has taken everything that I have. Thanks for your thoughts on the night stuff. I do think that we were taught from pretty overbearing views on sexuality growing up. I don’t attribute them to religion or Mormonism in general, just to our personal family. I think we grew up with some pretty unhealthy views of sex. The night thing is a little different to me than just normal cyclical male normalcy. If it were just that, then I wouldn’t have any issues with it at all. Still, there’s a lot that I probably would benefit from viewing differently, and I’m going to ponder on that.
I concur with the unhealthiness of our upbringing. There was a lot of distortion over sex, food, education, relationships, religion. I know there’s been a lot of unlearning to do in my life, for sure 🙂
They tried hard 😕.
Oh, absolutely! I didn’t mean any judgement on our parents. Life is hard and we get one crack at it. We all do the best we can with the skills, minds, situations, etc… we’re given, and unhealthy relationships, beliefs, etc… are often passed down through generations. Every kid is going to have something they think could have been better growing up!