2020-09-27 — Sunday Blues

I returned to the Sunday Blues today. I haven’t had those in a while. I don’t know if y’all remember, but it used to be that Sundays were hard for me. I’d work all week and bust my butt so much that I didn’t really have time to think about my life, and then Sunday would hit, and with the day off, I’d start… thinking… just sort of… feel down about my life, I guess. I don’t really know–I think maybe I’d just look at where I was in comparison to where I wanted to be and see everything that was going on in my life and just… feel down. Maybe that was before I started writing in my journal. I don’t remember for sure, but I want to say I remember writing about the Sunday blues to y’all.

I don’t really have any reason for the Sunday blues today that I can pinpoint. My body is out of whack, so maybe that’s part of it. I somehow managed to go over the edge in my health issue, and so I’ve not felt well most of the day and haven’t managed to get back on the right side of the edge. No migraine, thankfully, but I’m down right now, body and spirit, and it’s getting worse by the minute.

I’ve done some good things today, made some progress in some areas I wanted to work on, but for some reason, nothing is translating into feeling happy/good/accomplished.

I’ll call it my body being out of whack for now.

I made a plan to be in better contact reaching out to my family members regularly. I used to be so much better at it. I had my routine back when I lived in Utah and had the same schedule every day. I’d call/text x sibling on this day, y sibling on that day, etc. I haven’t done that for years. So… I’ve made a plan to return to doing that.

I can’t really remember much else I did today. Church at Liz’s. Faced the embarrassment thing of no sacrament after yesterday’s relapse. Confessed the relapse to my priesthood leader. He hasn’t responded yet, so not sure what he’s gonna say, but I faced it all nonetheless. I still have a ways to go before I can get to where I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I’d like to be.

I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to drive to Fayetteville for a doctor’s appointment to have a nerve conduction test done (7:30 a.m. appointment 45-60 minutes away. Not a clue what they’re going to charge me, but it’s an important test, I guess, if I’m going to take care of my body like I hope my loved ones take care of theirs. Gotta walk the talk.

So…

#1. I’m grateful to have a doctor’s appointment for my elbow/nerve issues. Perhaps some headway can be made.

#2. I’m grateful to have a storm rolling through. We haven’t had one in a good while, I don’t think.

#3. I had an angry customer call tonight. One of those people that I knew from the beginning had a good chance of being the type of customer you just don’t want to have. I probably should have just sent him to another company, but I had my tech help him. He called tonight mad that the belt we put on for him, that he supplied, came off. He was mad until I helped him figure out that the belt he’d provided was the wrong belt, and that’s why it came off. It looked for a little while like I might have to drive 45 minutes to his place to take care of him tonight, but once he realized it wasn’t our fault, suddenly his inability to get to work without us getting him taken care of vanished, and he was no longer in a massive hurry to get it fixed. Go figure. Anyway, I’m glad he realized it’s not our fault, and I’ll get him taken care of after my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

Man… this is hitting me like a freight train. Just… full on feeling super low.

Wow.

#4. I’m grateful… having a hard time coming up with things… I’m grateful… for running water. One of my customers doesn’t have running water. I did some work for her yesterday, and we’ll do some more for her tomorrow.

#5. I’m grateful that I’m able to do these little gratitude things on days I’m feeling super low like right now. That’s something.

Good night, folks.

Lift the World.

~ stephen