2020-09-28 — Double Down

Bring it on.

The heaviness and blues from yesterday bled into today, my body still unrecovered from going over the edge yesterday. That last the first few hours or more until all the work I did yesterday to dig out from having gone over the edge finally turned the tide today.

The doctor’s appointment went well this morning. I was late, but they still took care of me. I found out I owed another $87 or something from my first visit. Ouch. $287 on their sliding scale. I guess they slid me up? 🙃

My guess is this one will be even more pricey. We’ll see.

Whatever, though. Hopefully, I’ll get real answers. If I do, then it’s worth it. I want my future family to have the best me they can, so I’m gonna do better at taking care of myself. I’ve improved significantly since my nothing-but-sugar-and-other-crap 6 months ago. Tomorrow will be six months since I started my daily journal. 180+ days now.

Anyway, the doctor… He put electrode dealies on my arms and hands. Then shocked me with a cattle prod looking thing over and over and over again to measure the size of my nerves, the speed of travel of the impulses, etc, and then he finished off by jabbing a needle into various parts of my arms and hands, a needle with a microphone inside of it to listen to my muscles.

Cool.

So… that was… a thing.

After that, I went to work. The day sort of fell apart for both my tech and me. Two out of my first three jobs ended up as freebies, and I was still personally struggling from yesterday’s health issues as well as from a difficult conversation I’d had with a friend this morning.

I chatted with my mom a bit, trying to work through some things. I kept working on cars. I had an easy job, and then another easy one, and then another, so that was nice to end the day with some relatively easy stuff.

I didn’t end up finishing until after dark, but at least it was easy stuff and my day wasn’t a complete wash.

I worked hard to not text and drive today, having made that commitment yesterday. I found myself at times doing it out of habit without even really noticing. In fact, I actually sent one message to a friend while driving about the fact that I was trying not to text and drive anymore. Then it hit me… I was driving. 🙃

I pulled over at some point and did my scheduling in a McDonald’s parking lot because it was already late, and I couldn’t wait to get home to start, and I couldn’t text and drive. So… here I am today seeing how efficient texting and driving was, but knowing that I need to stop nonetheless.

Anyway, so it was a hard day today, in multiple ways. But you know what? Every day is a good day: It’s just good in different ways. And do you know what else?

Bring it on.

That’s right. Bring it on. Hard is good. Hard means I’m being stretched. Being stretched means I have the opportunity to grow, if I’m willing to embrace it. I can let the struggles make me softer and more flexible, or I can choose to be hardened by them. So…

Bring.

It.

On.

And with that, and because it’s nearly midnight…

#1. I’m grateful to have managed to dig out of the doldrums and to be back with my eye on what matters most.

#2. I’m grateful to be determined.

#3. I’m grateful that my faith in my future is increasing.

#4. I’m grateful that I have customers who appreciate what we do and the hard work we do for them and the money we save them.

#5. I’m grateful for challenges. I’m grateful for the hell I get to face, so that I can appreciate and cherish the heaven, and so that I can better empathize with those around me.

Loves and hugs to all.

Bring it on.

Lift the World.

~ stephen