2020-10-01 — Sometimes, I Miss Having a Job

You know, for as much as I’m glad to be able to do my own thing, run my own business, etc, sometimes, I miss having a job where I can just be done and leave. I don’t miss having bosses. I don’t miss having so few days off. I don’t miss rigid schedules

But it’s stressful having someone’s family depending on me. I can’t just take time off anymore right now. I’m… locked in until I either hire someone to do my job for me or just shut the business down or unless David quits.

I’m overwhelmed a lot. Overworked. Too much brain power, energy, awareness, etc, used up. Always having to be on call. It’s… exhausting.

My days “off” don’t rejuvenate because they’re not really days off. I have to be in cell range. I have to answer phones. And when things happen like happened yesterday, they… get really stressful. And then when I’m taking my days off, I’m not paying attention to how many people I’m saying yes to, so I don’t realize I’m overbooking. I’m just trying to get off the phone, so I can have some semblance of a day off.

(sigh)

Good problems to have.

I’m just stressed to the max right now with that one job that is kicking my little butt. The day off today wasn’t much of a day off. I’ve worked and stressed for hours. I’m probably repeating myself.

I’m gonna need to slow things down for a bit. Too much going on in my life to be putting myself through all this with work. Too much.

I’m tired. My body is over the edge despite lots of good nutrition and hydration. Not sure what the issue is, unless smoothies don’t hydrate. I’m feeling like the smoothies are giving me more energy, but I feel like maybe they increase my hydration needs? All the sugar in the fruit maybe?

I don’t know.

#1. I’m grateful for an absolutely gorgeous day outside today. It was simply beautiful.

#2. I’m grateful for the variety of foods available to me.

#3. I’m grateful for growth. I’ve noticed some growth in the areas of commitment and overcoming superficiality. It’s small growth, but it’s growth.

#4. I’m grateful that I’m still going strong on this journal thing. It’s one of the few things that I’m absolutely consistent in when I slip and slide and whatever else with many of the rest of my goals.

#5. I’m grateful for warm clothes. I’m cold right now, and I’m not taking advantage of said clothes, but I’m grateful they exist 😁.

Well, folks, cross your fingers and send some prayers/positive thoughts my way, please. Tomorrow is a challenging day for me. So much going on. Sooooo much. And I feel over my head a bit and afraid on one of the cars, so… yeah, there you go. I’d rather not do that job… but… what can you do. I got in it. I made the mistake that kicked my butt this way and that, and I have to deal with the consequences.

Loves and hugs.

Lift the World.

~ stephen