It’s 7:49, and barring something unexpected, I’m going to get to bed at a great hour tonight.
It’s a good thing, too, because I’ve noticed myself slipping in a lot of ways the last few days, since my relapse and since getting way out of balance with work and having that bleed into every aspect of my life with the loss of sleep.
Sleep is sooooo important for me.
I tried to memorize today. I tried on and off all day, but my brain just won’t retain it. In some ways, it’s a good thing to recognize. There are much more effective things I can do with my time when I’m tired than to fight to memorize when my brain just isn’t having it.
It might seem clear that the answer is to take a nap, but I don’t want to risk that throwing me off tonight and not being able to fall asleep, which is what usually happens when I take a nap. I don’t want to risk that, but I am going to go to bed early and try to get at least 8 1/2 hours of sleep tonight and be right bac on the wagon tomorrow following my daily routine.
I want to get back on that, for sure. With me being tired, I’ve noticed lots of old thoughts come creeping in (negative thoughts). Thoughts about the present, fears about the future, resentments, anger… all sorts of things bubbling up. I wonder what it is about being tired that brings out the unhappier things?
Anyway… I’m also going to keep a daily accountability tally of my goals. I used to do that, and I noticed that I started taking things for granted, and then I started slipping. I’m going to try to do that both in streak and percentage form. I haven’t done it because the latter takes a good bit of work, but I’m going to see if I can come up with some formulas to calculate everything for me without having to spend lots of time tallying numbers.
Fingers crossed.
Total non sequitur: I’ve been reminded today of something I learned a handful of years ago. We, at least I, often hear that we shouldn’t care what other people think of us. We talk about it as though it were a virtue. I think way we present it, it’s not a virtue, it’s evidence of our lack of true love for others. I’m pretty sure I’ve written this in other words in other posts, but I’m going to write it directly today. I think it’s important to care what other people think about us–but not for our sake. We care for their sake and for the sake of others whose lives might be influenced negatively by the given person’s negative views.
We care for their sake because we care about them. Because we love them, we want the best for them, and we know that judgmental attitudes inaccurate understandings, etc., are not uplifting to them, and we want more for them, etc.
I don’t know that I’m capturing the sentiment as I’d like to right now, but the gist is hopefully clear enough.
#1. I’m grateful for leisurely Sunday strolls around Haven Hill.
#2. I’m grateful that I happened to be in the right place at the right time on my morning walk to stop one of the hill dogs from killing a chicken.
#3. I don’t know chicken temperaments, but I’m grateful the chicken didn’t peck my eyes out when I went to catch it and put it in the coop. I’d never picked up a chicken before, and so I didn’t know what to expect, and it was quite leery of me, but I picked it up and carried it to the coup without much fuss after I cornered it. I think it was happy to be back in the coop, honestly, after the hair-raising experience with the dog. There is something trying to get in the coops at night, so they’re probably afraid at times at night as well, though.
#4. I turned the furnaces on today for the first time this year (it’s been a good bit colder lately), and high 50s low 60s was starting to wear on me a bit (especially when I like eating my frozen fruit chunks out of the bag 😁). I’m grateful that they both worked. The downstairs furnace didn’t right away, finally kicked in, sputtered a bit here and there, and I think started working mostly normally. I’m wondering if the flame sensor needs to be cleaned or if maybe it’s not in the right place, if it needs to be adjusted to better sense the flame. Not sure, but I’m glad it at least worked decently. I’ve shut them both off for the night because, call me paranoid, I don’t want to have them running through the night when one of them is questionable at the beginning of the season. I’m sure there’s all sorts of safety features to make it so propane doesn’t come out unless it’s working properly, but still… I’ve woken up to the place I’m sleeping in being on fire before (a wickiup), and I don’t much care for a recurrence. 🙃
#5. I’m grateful to be getting to bed at a decent hour. I’m super tired. It’s 8:38. Good night, my lovelies. Loves and hugs to all y’all.
Bring it on.
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 