Not sure what happened to me today.
My alarm went off at 4:55 as per the new norm, and I just… ugh… didn’t want to get up.
So I started off not wanting to be up, and then I got frustrated/irritated/angry at something I obviously shouldn’t have. Then I let my mind run roughshod all over the place, smacking up against feelings of anger and resentment and on and on.
And then I couldn’t find my keys, and I was already going to be late getting started with servicise, so I ended up doing all of like 1 minute of servicise this morning. (I finally found my keys. Pants pocket. I almost never leave my keys in my clothes.
It was cold and rainy–low 40s, high 30s. I did do my walk and memorize thing today, and I did have nearly 8000 steps before I left for work this morning. I’ll have 14,000+ before I go to bed tonight (which will be very shortly). 😀
Memorizing went well this morning. That was good. 😊
No chickens were out today. 😊
The nasty weather (thunderstorms and heavy downpour with temperatures in the 30s… Don’t recall having experienced that anywhere but here, but Arkansas can have thunderstorms whenever it darn well pleases. Weather does whatever it wants here, and the weather peeps are probably just as accurate flipping coins as they are looking at radar).
Anyway, I was starting to say that the nasty weather made things hard on us today. David decided he wasn’t going to work today, so I headed out planning to do some jobs, postponing others. I got to AutoZone, and yet again, I had a core that seemed to show up out of nowhere. Not sure what the deal is. They removed it for me, but I was mad, and they could tell.
Not the greatest morning for me.
Fortunately, David called me up and decided to work after all, so that was good. I met him at the first job, and he got going. I went to Walmart and bought some clothes to be better prepared for the winter weather. I’ve looked quite ragged with torn sweatpants and super stained shirts, so I’m trying to look a little more professional–and also be warmer.
I also picked up a bunch of candy for the AutoZone peeps and brought it over. Apologized to Allison for getting mad (I didn’t lash out or anything earlier, it was just obvious that I was very unhappy, I think by the look on my face). I felt bad for that, and then I felt even worse because I found out it was Allison’s birthday today, and she was working because the previous commercial manager has been a no-call no show since he got his last bonus check before retiring.
Anyway, Allison was super cool about me being upset, and that was nice, and the candy was a hit for everyone.
I’d run out of candy on Saturday, so it was time to get more for them again today. It’s good practice choosing not to eat any–having it in my car all the time, able to eat it whenever I want, and simply choosing not to.
Wish I could have practice like that with porn. As I think I mentioned before, not sure how to rewire the neural pathways in my brain without practice, but… unlike candy, drugs, food, etc., with porn, seeing is consuming.
Ugh… it’s late again. 9:28. Why does journal writing take so long? I haven’t even started writing in my more private journal. No time.
The rest of the day was much better after the morning. I bought a couple of books that are on their way. I ordered a new chopping ax. That’ll help with future servicise activities during the winter a I hack down dead trees and the huge arm-thick vines that grow all over out here.
I was grateful to have a battery job pop up in the evening. That was nice. I did go all the way back to down for it, but those are good money for a simple job.
Back home now…
#1. I’m grateful that David decided to work after all. I wasn’t looking forward to working today. I was tired. I’m worn out.
#2. I’m grateful to have been able to let go of my “always have to get a good deal” bone and simply buy warm, nice-looking clothes because it was important to do. It’s hard for me to buy things without getting a good deal on them. I hate paying retail prices for things. I love me my closeout deals–shoes for $5, shirts for $1, kind of thing. Today… not so much. I think I bought a pair of winter socks, a light jacket, a sweatshirt, and some layering pants for $80-something. That’s still not bad, but I’m used paying like $20 for all that, so… yeah… I’m grateful that I’m letting go of that, even if only a little. I’ll still prefer the deals, but there are times when it’s just not worth it to hold out–neither in time expended nor in emotional energy spent.
#3. I’m grateful to Allison for being so understanding, and I think I was actually able to be a bright spot for her on her birthday a little bit despite my earlier contributions to a less-than-stellar morning for her. #Lifttheworld.
#4. I’m grateful that pineapples are so cheap. I think they were like… $1.68 each, or something insane like that. I think they take like two years to grown, right? Makes me wonder how they can sell them at crazy prices like that. Loss leader, maybe? Good gravy.
#5. I’m grateful that the day has ended out on a better note than it started.
#6. I’m grateful that I’ve not let myself get sucked into politics too much this time around. I let myself in a little here and there, and it just ends up being a frustrating much of the time, but I’m staying a lot more clear of it this presidential election cycle. Any of you want to be president? Wish we had better choices.
Whoops… tangent.
Time for bed. Loves and hugs.
Bring it on. All of it.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 
Stephen, what a great example of how far you’ve come. A few months ago, your bad morning would have spiraled into a worse day. You may have walked the line, but you stayed the course – well done!