2021-01-08 — Lift the World

Hola, folks,

So I mostly gave up on the huge AC job today. I spent a very large chunk of the day working on it, but it was just too much for me to feel good about doing. So… I drove it down the street to a mechanic I’ve been referring people to for a long time, and I just asked him to get the system flushed and things put back on. It’s just more than I can do right now. I’m just spent. Too much stress. Too big of a job sucking me away from other jobs that I could actually be making money at. I’ve lost so much time on this job, and it’s been so incredibly stressful.

So… I offloaded it to another mechanic, who will do all the stuff I can’t do very easily, and that will be that. I’m still a good bit stressed about it because I’m worried I might have messed something up that I forgot to tell him about in the rush to get to Mike’s dad’s viewing. I’ll probably run by really early in the morning to see what I can do there to get that all figured out.

I do these things occasionally (completely overwhelm myself with jobs to the point that that I’m happy to pay to have it get out of my hair). Hopefully, I’ll do it less.

I live with so much stress… and it’s a choice. And that’s stressful too, sometimes, knowing I could just let it go if I just could.

The problem is I keep myself altogether too slammed with so many things that press from all directions that I don’t give myself the time to pause, reflect, and gain perspective–not really. I cognitively get it, but I don’t give myself time for what’s in my head to make the journey to my heart. I just keep overloading myself again and again and again, so I never manage to have the time to actually work through it, and when I get a day “off,” I’m so spent that I can’t do the emotional work needed to stop the insanity, so I take a brake from the insanity for x number of hours, and then I’m right back in the insanity.

Talk about insane. 🙃

#1. I’m grateful that I have extra cars that I can loan out. In addition to having his father die this week, Mike’s car bit the dust (temporarily), and he’ll get it back from the shop sometime next week, so he’s borrowing my miracle Civic until then.

#2. I’m grateful I was able to get the new fender on the civic. It doesn’t look spectacular or anything, but at least it’s a solid fender and not a crumpled one like I was driving. I actually like driving my Civic. I enjoyed the drive into town tonight to go grocery shopping.

#3. I’m grateful for cheap food. I’m so lucky to have what I have. I’m hungry because I choose not to eat because I’m too busy to eat or don’t think about it. Millions of people die every year because they don’t have enough food to eat. Millions. Because they don’t have enough food. Food!!!!! It’s just so… I remember the “occupy” movement from some years back (sorry, don’t mean this to be offensive). People all over the country, and in multiple countries camping out in protest against the 1%. I just wanted to say, “Hey, you are the 1%. You’re setting up tents and posting on your cell phones. You are the one percent. We are the 1%. Nearly 10% of the people in this world go to bed hungry—not by choice.

It’s so easy to be oblivious to the needs in the world around me… so easy. I mean what do we really need? We have so many things to entertain ourselves. We spend so much money and time entertaining ourselves as a culture in the United States. We lift up celebrities as heroes. Some of them are, for sure. Some do make a big difference for good in the world, but we tend to worship celebrity, popularity, fame. We aspire to fame.

Movie stars. Music stars. Sports stars.

Nonprofit volunteers. Aid workers. First responders. Teachers.

So… I’ll stop now.

Sorry… tangent.

#4. I’m grateful to have the health that I have. My body has its problems, for sure, but I can walk. I can run. I can carry heavy things. I can push, pull, work hard, clear forest, dig ditches, fix cars… and on and on. I’m so lucky.

#5. I’m grateful for reminders that help me come down to earth–not that I have to spend all my time thinking about the sorrows and struggles and injustices and whatever of the world. But I appreciate the reminders. My heart yearns to help these people. The people who are hungry. The people who are scared. The people who are discouraged. The people who feel unloved. So much good to do in the world. So much good.

July 4th. That’s my goal. That’s when I’m out. I haven’t prayed about it, so if the Team Captain has something to say to me about it, then it could change, but my goal, as decided in this moment of passion, is to have found someone to run my business for me by July 4th and to spend the rest of my life helping people less fortunate than I, and lifting everyone I possibly can all over the world.

No more wasting my life or the god-given talents and abilities and capacities I have. Too much good to do. I’d rather be homeless and on the street but spending my days lifting the world than to be comfortable and secure and have wasted my life seeking something as dead as comfort and financial security. Perhaps this is why I’m still single. I have the time, the means, the opportunity still to make a huge difference.

Okay… more tangent.

Thought of the Day. “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” – Harriet Tubman

Loves and hugs to all y’all.

Lift the World.

~ stephen