Amnesia.
I seem to get amnesia quite quickly. I forget so easily what it feels like to go over the edge and crash on the rocky shore below. I prioritize happy customers over my health, and then… I crash.
It’s been a good day today, but I’ve definitely been paying for neglecting my body. I’ve been miserable all day (physically. I’m fine emotionally and spiritually. Good, even. Just feeling rotten).
I’m reminded of the wife of one of the ward members in my Provo family ward before I left for Salt Lake. She was… physically miserable all the time. She had so many different serious ailments. I can only imagine what that must be like. When I feel physically miserable, it can be consuming, but it only lasts for days. For some people, such physical realities are permanent.
Permanent.
I’m also reminded of my dear friend Brittani who deals with multiple physical ailments on a daily basis some of them quite painful and has for quite a number of years.
I look at my health not so much as a privilege to have what I have (though it is at the same time?), as I think to suffer can be a beautiful privilege as well. I am grateful for the things I suffer. But I do take it as a sort of sign post in my life, teaching me about my opportunities and responsibilities because of the physical health and mental faculties I do enjoy.
I’ve spent pretty much the whole day working today, not on cars, just the business back-end stuff. So. Much. To. Do. Working on federal tax stuff that’s needed to even be able to have what an accountant needs, state tax stuff, scheduling, communicating with customers, etc. Long, exhausting day.
And I’m hammered up one side and down the other. 🙃
#1. I’m grateful to be grateful for the suffering I’m experiencing today.
#2. I’m grateful to have had a pretty decent number of days in a row where I’ve dealt honestly really well with a lot of challenging situations.
#3. I’m grateful to have been able to make some progress on all the financial stuff. It feels like so little, and I’ve not been mentally very on top of things with the headache and fog brain and all that, but I’ve made progress, and that’s nice.
#4. I’m grateful to be clean and sober again today. 32 days. I’ve been grateful to have the strength and willingness to reach out when triggered, to remember the danger I’m in, to keep the hunger to do what it takes instead of sliding into complacency.
#5. I’m grateful to be able to go to bed. Though I’m grateful to be able to suffer. I’m really hoping my body will have figured it out and gotten back in balance by morning. I still feel really awful. It’s actually worse now than this morning, and perhaps the worst it’s been during this particular bout. But… if not. I got myself into this mess (I think), and I pay the piper.
Thought of the Day: Stay positive, all other choices are pointless punishments to your psyche. ~ Joe Peterson
Good night, my friends.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 