Relapsed. Another nightmare day. Not sure how it’s possible to have so many things go sideways in a week. It’s just… it’s literally like the universe has planned it. I’m just at a loss and crumbled in little pieces.
I feel like I’ve reverted to the person I was at the beginning of last year… red-hot anger, meltdowns, working crazy hours… It’s 2:03 a.m. 2 or so hours of sleep last night. Running on fumes. Have been all day. About ready to just fall over and crash.
Tomorrow’s gonna be crazy, too.
#1. I’m grateful I can finally get to bed.
#2. I’m grateful that I had a couple relatively easy jobs to do at the end of the night.
#3. I’m grateful for my mom for making so much food, especially on days like today. I did bring food and water with me, but I’m still way behind.
#4. I’m grateful that the Durango is still working well.
#5. I’m grateful I’ve learned to throw up the white flag when I’m descending into the black whole at work.
Thought of the Day: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~ Victor Frankl
Good night, folks.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 
Oh, Stephen…
I’m so sorry you’re feeling so horrible… I’m so sorry that so many things have piled on at once. I have a strong hope that much will be ameliorated by refocusing on *you* despite disasters all around. That’s one thing that I’m reminded of – disasters can always get bigger and bigger and bigger until we have to stop what we’re doing and take care of ourselves or we’ll die. Why wait until that size of a disaster? I am so so sorry for these recent perpetual mini and midi disasters. I know that, added together, they are devastating and demoralizing. They add up to maxi-disasters without us realizing. I know because that’s what happened to me. Anyway… it’s human to put our care of ourselves off until last – often for caring reasons. The irony is that the result usually puts us in a space where we are destructive not only to ourselves but to others because we’re past physical/psychological/mental/and emotional bearing… So caring for yourself *is* caring for others. It is one manifestation of “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…” Your dream of growing love in the world starts everyday with your giving it to yourself – mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically/spiritually/emotionally… Can’t pump water out of a well that has exceeded its recharge rate…
Anyway, I guess that’s my long-winded way of saying “I love you, brother…” I wish I could lighten your load.
Love always…
Body and brain are one machine. Now you’ve discovered that two hours of sleep is not a recipe for success and that working those crazy hours is not worth it. For anyone. Maybe it took a gigantic meltdown for the message to take hold. That’s actually a great thing, if you learn from it. Set your boundaries. Not limitations, not rules, protective boundaries. Standards of work/life balance you won’t breach from the inside, no matter the onslaught and demand from the outside. As Heather said, love begins at home – in one’s own heart – defend your peace. I love you. You’ve got this!
I’m trying. 😕