Hey, folks…
So… I took it easy again today. Four cars, two of them call backs. Don’t get those very often, so it’s weird to do two in one day, let alone one at all. Sooo… only two cars I actually got paid for. Home around maybe 6?
I’ve been thinking more and more about just hanging it up, and the thoughts got real today–the feelings got real. Little bits of fear… “Where will my income come from? It’ll be all out go and no income.” I’ve gotten quite used to having much more come in than goes out. If I walk away, I have no income. I’ll be living off of savings. If I walk away, and I start a nonprofit, not only will those I strive to serve be dependent on the money that I bring in from donations, but so will I. And if I have a family, my family will be dependent on donations.
I’m not independently wealthy. I don’t yet have the capital to have a passive income big enough to cover the needs of a family. I don’t have any passive income. If I walk away now, I’ll burn through funds, and be dependent on others or starting over.
If I keep working and saving, and if I plan carefully, I might be able to get a passive income that can cover everything, and I won’t need to depend on others–fundraisers, salaries, etc. I and my family can just… live, and if donations come in, it can all go toward the cause, and my family… they’re good no matter what.
The feelings today… starting to get more real. Not just theoretical logical brain stuff… but nerves. Yep, getting more real.
With me slowing down a bit, and with the weather making that easier (absolutely frigid…it’s icing tonight), I’m… hold your breath… maybe making progress in choosing the better and best things. A lot of it is owed, believe it or not, to that customer not paying me a week plus ago, and having that just sort of break me that day. It just… was so demoralizing). But having hit the wall largely because of that experience, I’m actually taking better care of myself now. I’m not pushing as hard. I’m planning for the future better. And today… I felt like I made some progress on being positive about the future, accepting of challenges, letting go of fears, and simply choosing to live life, be happy, and let go. I know that will likely be temporary, but I’ll take it for now, and it’s a positive step. It feels good. Faith and hope over fear.
Good stuff.
#1. I’m grateful that I don’t know who won the Super Bowl. I saw headlines at some point saying that it was the Chiefs returning and Tom Brady yet again. I’m proud of myself. I didn’t look at the sports news. I wanted to. I love the stories behind things. It would be cool for the Chiefs to win back to back. Though I’ve never been a Brady fan, honestly, I thought it would be cool for him to win at a different place. But even when a customer mentioned that he had been a hungover Chiefs fan, I resisted the temptation to ask if it was a celebratory drunk or a drown-your-sorrows drunk. It feels nice to have that self discipline, to be free of at least that addiction.
#2. I’m grateful for heater cores and blower motors and that they both work in the Durango, that I can stay warm between cars on frigid days.
#3. I’m grateful to have been able to be there for a friend today who was having a rough time, one who is often there for me during my hard times.
#4. I’m grateful to be clean and sober. I haven’t been mentioning that lately, and I should be. I believe January 30th was the last relapse. I’m grateful to have been clean since then.
#5. I’m grateful to have been able to jut relax and enjoy myself this evening. Take a load off. Not be stressed.
Thought of the Day: “Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” ~ Newt Gingrich
Loves and hugs to all y’all.
~ stephen
Lift the World 