I broke my rule. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t even dream of problems like this. I bought the Dozer without having someone who knows about heavy equipment look at it. I tell my customers, don’t be a car without taking it to a mechanic first. I… didn’t. …And I paid dearly for it.
The Dozer’s frame is badly cracked and its transmission case is split just about in half. It’s… a mess, an absolute mess.
So… I got the opportunity to choose let a huge mistake roll off my back today. Many many thousands of dollars worth. I got the opportunity to choose to apologize for the less-than-Christlike things I said to the guy who sold it to me (e.g. how can you sleep at night? A handful of things along those lines). I got the opportunity to treat him well despite that when he came over to get his trailer back.
So… that happened. I took the first half of the day off today hoping to hear the guy was going to give me a refund, given the massive damage. But… no dice. So I went out and worked a partial day, once I’d heard that he wasn’t going to come back until evening.
I wasted more time driving an hour and a half out of my way trying to get a ladder to make trimming the dead branches and widowmakers off the forest trees. It was a good price, but the ladder wasn’t as represented. Shouldn’t have gone out there. I get caught in the “save a buck” idea and forget that it actually costs me more to save a buck if I have to drive that far. I could just work and make more than what I “save” by waiting for the best deal.
I was proud of myself for how I reacted to the issues with the dozer and the gentleman’s refusal to refund given the massive damage. I struggled for about 30-40 minutes or so, and then I let it roll off my back–mostly. It tried to flare up here and there, but for the most part, I’m find. Even had a friend make a funny joke: At least dozer has a good sense of humor. It’s all cracked up.
🙃
I don’t want to be the kind of person that falls into a heap when things go south. Things feel like they’ve gone south for me for so long in so many huge things, that I’ve let myself become that person. I crumple into a heap, and… I’m a mess. Today… yes, I went there again, but for a lot less time, and that’s… progress.
I’m plugging away at my taxes. Been… a slog. Not burning as much midnight oil as I want to, but I’m just so tired.
#1. I’m grateful to be growing. That’s what I want. Life lessons are hard sometimes.
#2. I’m grateful to be clean and sober. I can feel myself more tempted the last few days. I’m surviving, though. No really big temptations, just can feel the draw. Really hope I don’t give in when the heavy ones come. I’m vulnerable to spiral super bad if I relapse.
#3. I’m grateful to be able to let go of my anger toward the seller of the dozer.
#4. I’m grateful that I am still hanging in there writing this journal entry. I know it’s not much to read anymore. Sorry, about that. I’m trying to get things in order, and the harder I try, the more I seem to slide the other direction. Weird, that.
#5. I’m grateful… to be… having fewer issues with my ulnar nerves. My knees have been really bad the last few days. And my right elbow is messed up for some reason, but my ulnar nerves aren’t as bad. 🙃
Thought of the Day: “Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Daily Accountability Summary:
Morning Routine Weighted Success: 30%
Evening Routine Weighted Success: 62%
Pornography/Sex Addiction Battle: 39 days
To-Do Top 3 Prioritization: 33%
Free of Texting While Driving: 9
Lift the World 