Thank you, all, for your support. I’m… still here. 🙂
And I’m still here and writing again tonight because… well, for a few reasons: #1 Because I realized last night, I think it was, that sharing the good, the bad, the ugly, the whatever, the realities of the ups and downs of my life was part of what this was all about. Transparent. Not hiding because things are hard. Not hiding because I don’t want you to see my continual struggles that I’m embarrassed about. Not hiding because I feel like I’m annoying or frustrating people because I’m so slow to actually choose what I say I want and let go of the things that are keeping me from getting there. Not hiding because I feel like I’m disappointing people.
Etc.
That’s… what this blog is all about. The real. The raw. The pain. The exhilaration. It just so happens that I’m in a bit of a streak of painful struggles right now, and I feel like I’m trying so hard, but on the outside, it looks like I’m failing more and more miserably.
And that’s hard.
But I’ll overcome.
#2. I also chose to write again today because of the support that came flooding in, even from readers I don’t know. Like… maybe this blog is helpful in some way to some of you, and I need to get over my struggles at least enough right now to keep going, just in case it is helpful.
I hope it is. I felt encouraged to keep going by you. So… thank you.
I had a third reason, but… I’m tired, and it’s fled the mind.
Today was better. It wasn’t a massive improvement, but I chose to put God first today more than I have for a little while, and I felt a greater calmness… a greater peace… more patience… more… positivity. Life felt… slower.
It was nice.
I also took it really slowly today. We actually had snow this morning, and it even stuck. 🙂 It was mostly melted by the time I got home tonight, but it was pretty. I didn’t leave the house to go work until like… 11 maybe? And I did a few errands, tying up one loose end with that miserable truck I didn’t write about last night that took nearly 12 hours that should have taken 3 or 4.
I stopped by and got the DMV stuff done that I should have done months ago. I went grocery shopping. I tried to get a part for the Durango from the junk yard, but no dice. Someone else had already snagged it.
I did one job, and that was it. I went home, and I spent the rest of the night talking to a dear friend of mine about some really important things that were really meaningful to both of us. That was really nice. Really nice.
Now it’s after 1:30 a.m., but it was a good night. I gave a little more today to putting God first (which, ironically, really just puts me first because that’s just the kind of person the Big Guy is), and that little additional effort today was returned 100 times in how the day went.
#1. I’m grateful for the snow. It was beautiful.
#2. I’m grateful I had the strength to put first what needed to be first.
#3. I’m grateful for my friend Brittani who was there to help me make the best choice in putting first things first today.
#4. I’m grateful that I found my cell phone. I accidentally left it in the engine compartment of a vehicle, and it fell down inside, and I had no idea it was even there, looking in the Durango, in the business I’d just been in, etc., and the phone was on silent, so I couldn’t hear it when someone called it to try to help me find it. But… I opened the hood, and the third time I opened it to check for my phone, I saw the phone down wedged by the cooling fan. Wahoo! Found the phone. Offered a little prayer. Found the phone. Thanks.
#5. I’m grateful that I didn’t have a huge line to wait in at the DMV. I was in and out in probably about an hour.
#6. I’m grateful the assessor was willing to call her superior at the other office to get special permission to let me assess the three new cars that needed to go on my business property taxes. I still haven’t filed my 2020 business property taxes, and they’re not supposed to let me assess until I do those, but I asked if she’d call her superior (after she suggested that’s what was needed, special permission, to be able to assess the cars since I hadn’t turned in my other stuff yet), and they gave her permission, which meant I could have the cars assessed, registered, etc.
Wahoo!
#7. I’m grateful for the conversations tonight. Brought peace and happiness and joy. 🙂
Thanks, again, for your encouragement. Gonna try and stick with this.
Onward.
Thanks, for lifting my world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 