2021-05-11 — Hungry Again

Hey, y’all. 🙂

Happy Tuesday!

Let’s see… It’s been a really good day today. 🙂 Of course, and it’s been a while since I said it because I’ve been in a prolonged rough patch for the last… handful of months,, but I’m feeling the light grow a little brighter, and I’m reminded of the truth and am gonna verbalize it again:

Every day is a good day–it’s just good in different ways. 🙂

And today was a happy good day. 🙂 I got up a bit later than my goal (after being up until 2 ish catching up on business paperwork that I needed to do). I did have the unhappy task of fired the young man who’d been doing yard work for us. I don’t think he realized, but he just… wasn’t really giving any effort or energy at all to what he was doing, and it was taking him probably 4 to 5 times longer to do things because of lack of effort/energy and because of inefficiency. I realized that it was costing me about $50/productive hour (was taking about four hours to do what should have taken one).

It wasn’t fun to let him go, and he asked later why I let him go, and I think maybe my explanation was a little sharper than I wanted to come across. I offered to give him another chance, but payment would be production based and not time based, but he hasn’t responded to that. Perhaps this experience will encourage him to dig a little bit and learn to work hard. Hope so.

Anyway, I headed out to work on cars and didn’t get very far before the rain descended, I was cold and wet, and I was ready to go home. So I postponed the rest of my jobs for the day and headed home. 🙂

Cross your fingers, maybe I’m gonna turn a corner with taking care of myself. 🙂

It’s beautiful in Arkansas right now. Absolutely beautiful. Everything is so… green! The creatures are out in force, and I’m enjoying Spring. Crazy that it’s almost ready to morph into summer! Almost halfway through May!

Anyway, since I was home, I worked on my assessment stuff a little bit. I wired in a push start for my Nissan Versa (since something is making it so the car won’t start with the key, and I don’t want to try and figure out what the issue is right now. I wired in the push start, and it’s running just fine. It needs an o2 sensor, perhaps, still, but it’s going and takes you places now. It’s no longer a lawn ornament. 🙃

The best part of today? My hunger for gospel things is coming back and with it my lightness and happiness and energy and passion. It’s not quite all back, by any means, but I’m feeling the warmth come back in, and I’m grateful.

#1. I’m grateful to have gotten the Versa going. It’s nice to have made progress there.

#2. I’m grateful to be feeling lighter and happier. I’ve been able to choose the better and best things the last few days–putting Captain Universe first more often, and I think I’m reaping the rewards of that. It’s really nice. I’ve been in this long bout of struggling and fighting, trying to get myself to do the things I need to do, make the choices I need to make. It’s been the weirdest thing to be trying so hard and failing, on even the simplest of things, so frequently. I’ve been able to see everything right in front of my face, know exactly what I need to do, and yet I hadn’t been able to do it. So weird. Not that I was laying about depressed. I mean, I had one day that was sort of like that, but that’s just one. The rest of the time, it was just… I’d plan to do x thing, but then I’d just… find myself unable. Say no to so many jobs. Fail. That was one of the biggest, and the dominos that fall from that one decision are… legion, as the saying goes. But I think I’m starting to pull out. Somehow. Thanks, to all for your support!

#3. I’m grateful to have felt better today. I tried to take care of myself a bit better today, and I’ve felt better for a good chunk of the day–even felt normal for several hours before slipping a little bit again in the last hour or so. Yay to feeling better! 🙂

#4. I’m grateful to the people who spend their lives encouraging other people. Such a wonderful love and service they provide.

#5. I’m grateful for the dark times to help appreciate the light times.

Well, my lovelies, time for more food and liquid for this little boy. Then bed.

Loves and hugs. 🙂

Lift the World.

~ stephen