2021-05-23 — Coming Together?

So…. I think maybe things are coming together a little? We’ll see.

July 4th is less than a month and a half away. That was my tentative retirement date, and I’ve made a tentative decision: As soon as all my legal stuff is taken care of with the business, and everything is organized and solid, nothing to worry about for the future for me or anyone who might run the business in the future, I’m going to put the business up for sale and see what I get for it.

I’ll actually probably float it out there really soon, at least to a couple of hand-picked people who might be interested in buying it (doubtful, but it won’t hurt to ask). And then?

I’m gonna go change the world. 🙂

Bring it on. 🙂

One person can do a lot. A lot. And I’m going to change the world, again with the Michael Jackson song, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race (and all of the Big Papi’s little critters, too).

It’s just… time. It’s time. And it brings a smile to my face to say that. And warmth to my heart, and little bubbles of excitement. I’d like to be the Elon Musk of peace and happiness and hope and love and healing around the world (not that I need to be famous… just… that degree of impact).

So… there you go. Been an interesting day today. I didn’t even hear the alarm go off at 4:25. I think I woke up somewhere around 5 something, but I was so tired I just called it and didn’t end up getting up until around 10. And I wasn’t feeling so hot when I woke up either (emotionally/spiritually). I kept myself clean through the night, so that was a big success, given all the triggering stuff from the day. Big success. 🙂 But I was just… not in a good place. I had this feeling like I’d done something wrong. Feeling guilty or something like that. It was weird. I tried chatting with the Big Guy, but I just couldn’t focus. On my knees for 40 minutes or so, but just… brain all over the place.

I managed to dig out of it and start feeling pretty good. Interestingly, while I’d chosen to attend church remotely the last couple of weeks (partly because of embarrassment of not taking the sacrament from having relapsed, I think?), I was planning on going today, but I got the feeling not to. That was a little weird. I’d planned to go. I wanted to go, but I got the feeling not to, so I stayed home and watched again.

I spent my time pulling weeds out on the trails while listening to the sacrament meeting. Then I felt prompted to work on my book, so I went inside, took a chigger shower, ate some lunch, but just couldn’t get any focus on the book at all. I didn’t try much, honestly. I pulled it up on my phone but instantly just felt overwhelmed.

That’s a common thing for me when something feels huge. I just sort of flood out and sometimes don’t do anything at all. Happened with my last attempt at writing a book. It happened with my master’s project in grad school.

Anyway, it’s been a good day. After trying to follow the promptings, I just felt… happy pretty much all the rest of the day. Positive. Happy. Upbeat. It was nice.

So… with that…

#1. I’m grateful for this happy day today, that the morning negative fog was burned off by light and happiness.

#2. I’m grateful for mama’s lovely cooking. She’s perfected vegan French toast, and it’s better than the conventional stuff. Love it. Go mom!

#3. I’m grateful for a day to rest, to stroll through the woods on the trails (though much has been growing over with me not doing my morning servicise for so long. But… I did a whole section of trail over the last 7 days, a very overgrown section of trail, so…. if I keep thins up, it shouldn’t be too hard to keep relatively on top of things–especially if we can get wood chips going and down.

#4. I’m grateful bug spray. I don’t like using it, but it helped today. We’re in the buggiest months of the year right now. May and June, I think are the biggest tick months, and then just all summer will be mosquitos and chiggers and whatnot. So… grateful for bug spray. Working on a natural alternative. I’d ordered some geranium oil, but it never showed, so I might try ordering more or going a different route. We’ll see.

#5. I’m grateful for grocery delivery? I might be jinxing myself, but our first grocery delivery is supposed to be tomorrow. Walmart home delivery. Apparently Aldi does it, too. Need to learn more about it. We’ll see what we can do. How awesome it would be. Save time (no driving to and from the grocery store). Save gas. Provide a job for someone. It’s win win win). Hope it works out. 🙂

And now!

Daily Accountability…

The positive

• Was porn free today again. 18 days. 🙂🥳
• I followed promptings and felt peaceful and happy today.
• I felt pretty confident in my requests of Captain Universe today. It’s nice to be able to go boldly to the throne of grace, as the scripture describes it. Such a good feeling. 🙂
• I was able to be there for a friend during some rough stuff.

The Not So Positive

• Um…. there’s got to be something. Ummm… gosh… I like this. I can’t think of anything?

Well, we’ll call it good. My love to all of you.

Lift the World.

~ stephen