Hey, folks!
Guess what? It’s been another really hard, long, draining, day today.
But guess what?!?!
I handled it… really well, I think. Well, at least a lot better than I usually do. It’s hard for me to fast a normal fast. I’ve been doing lots of praying. And a dear friend of mine who’s sick was going to fast with me, but neither of us could do a food fast, so we chose to do a fear fast. 🙂
It was cool.
Hard.
It’s been hard to banish fears today, and I could have done so much better than I did, but I tried. And I’m still trying. 🙂
The morning was really hard. I’m grateful for my friend Cory who spent two hours on the phone with me as I recounted many sub experiences in this massive (to me) trial that I’ve been facing for quite some time now. He listened while I processed and just… got it all out. I’m very grateful for him today.
I didn’t come away with any definitive answers for how to proceed in the next steps of this great challenge I’m facing, but that’s ok. I’m choosing faith.
I didn’t work on any cars again today, and I didn’t really work on my taxes or anything business related today. I basically took nearly the whole day just completely off.
I spent at least a couple hours walking the trails today while talking to Cory. Then I spent another couple hours *working* on the trails, clearing rocks and trying to make it all mowable. It’s nearly all mowable now, and I think that’s the strategy I’m going to employ. Not cleared of weeds. Not wood chips. Let the weeds grow, and I’ll just mow them down, and I’ll encourage them to grow in as thickly as I can, so they hold the soil together and keep it from washing. That seems like the least amount of maintenance.
I’m actually pretty excited about that. It looks like it could really work. It was good progress today with the trails. They’re all walkable now. All of them. They don’t all have fancy log borders like I’d like them all to have, but whatever. Little by little we’re getting there.
One not-so-great thing that happened that I’m proud of myself for handling well. Apparently, the mower flipped up a rock and shattered one of Stevie’s brand new windows even though I had the mower pointed the opposite direction from his windows. There was only one time it could have done anything, and if it did… yeah… one in a hundred chance?
Hmmm… maybe one flew through the trees a long way when I was mowing in the woods? That doesn’t seem likely. I don’t know. I owe Stevie a really big window now. Whoops. That’ll probably be pricey. 😬
But! I handled it… really well, I think–especially given the days I’ve been having and how hard things have been. I was just like. Well… okay. I tried really hard, but I guess somehow, even as careful as I was, it still happened… somehow. Freak accident. Can’t undo it. No sense whining about it or bemoaning it. Life goes on. It’s just money.
I chatted with him for a bit about all the things he’s up to, and then I headed home. When I got home, I decided to try and work on the skid steer, that… wonderful grease port that hasn’t been doing what it’s supposed to do in letting grease actually get where it’s supposed to go.
Well guess what?!?! I found a socket of workable size and I figured I’d try to beat out the rusty sleeve that’s in there, clean it up, put it back, and see if that would allow it to be greased.
So I got the socket, a big sledge hammer, and I went to town. I beat on it a little bit, and it moved a tad, but not much. Having moved a little bit, I decided, what the heck, I’ll try the grease gun again, and what do you know?!?!
It let grease through!!!!!!
Success!!! So that was great. 🙂
So then I was all set to put everything back together, but when I went to go grab the attachment bracket pins, one was missing.
😶
Um… I’m pretty sure I have a specific memory of setting them both right there in the grass right next to the steer’s bucket. Side by side. Right there.
So… for the next 2 or three hours or so? I looked for the missing pin (about an inch in diameter and about 4-5 inches long.
Where could it have gone?!?! I wandered here and there, looking all stinking over the place. Places where it should have been. Places where it could have been, places where it would have been crazy for it to have been; but… no dice. Nothing.
Part of the search was a success, though. It took probably two hours of patiently looking all over before I started to feel any negativity. And that’s after a really rough hard morning, a hard day in general with the emotional stuff, news on the work front that’s gonna make my assessment take even longer (which I handled well as well, not mad frustrated, nothing), and after breaking a likely rather expensive window.
And the negative feelings that started in just a little weren’t frustration and anger. They were just sort of… resigned discouragement but not super bad.
Obviously not happy feelings, but I’m pretty proud of myself today with all the painful challenges I’m facing, to have faced those really hard emotional things (that have been hard all day but hardest in the morning), the bad news on the assessment stuff, the busted window, and now the missing pin that’s once again putting my ability to even use my skid steer on hold.
Not sure what to do there. I’ve looked everywhere for the thing. I don’t have the slightest clue where it could be because I put it side by side with the other one. I put them both there. One just… disappeared.
Craziness.
A replacement comes in a set with some other things, and it’s like $150, plus tax/shipping/whatever, I think.
So… it’s been an expensive day. 🙃 Cross your fingers the pin turns up somewhere, please.
#1. I’m grateful for the fan I have blowing on me that makes my room feel cooler than it is. I could turn the AC up higher, but it gets a bit pricey. Though… I might ayway.
#2. I’m grateful for the strength today to have faced a hard day and to have come out on top. #growth
#3. I’m grateful for all your messages and support and phone calls and texts and all that good stuff. Thank you!
#4. I’m grateful for wonderful walking trails through the woods.
#5. I’m grateful for an absolutely gorgeous day today. I think it was in the 60s. Oh, it was soooooo nice. Sooooo beautiful!
#6. Just found the a replacement for my missing skid steer tilt cylinder pivot pin on Amazon for just under $25 after shipping. Wahoo!
Daily Accountability:
The Positive
- I chose to grow today on a day when lately I would have been frustrated, angry, and might have melted down.
- I’ve been doing pushups when I’m triggered, and it’s working. It moves that blood and those chemicals around and really helps, I think, to put a damper on that stuff.
- Four days clean right now. Just a few hours shy of 5, I think.
- I spent the day pretty much off today. I’ve been taking it easier on myself, not pushing myself. Lots of personal things going on right now, I’m just gonna take it easy. I’m lightening my load to adjust for the really heavy emotional circumstances.
The Needs Improvement
- I feel like I did really well today, but I definitely could have done better with choosing faith so much that fear is replaced with peace. I wasn’t there. I was better, I think? But I have a ways to go.
- Bed time. It keeps getting later. I did so well for about 5 days in a row with my wake-up time, and then the bottom fell out with that ongoing situation I’m facing that’s so hard, and… I’ve just fallen off a cliff with my bed time with all the stuff on my mind.
Alright, folks. Happy weekend! I hope you’ve had wonderful, growth-filled days. That’s what life’s about (at least that’s my opinion), becoming the best person I can become.
Loves and hugs to all you wonderful people you!
Lift the World.
~ stephen


Lift the World 