2021-05-31 — Bombed But Finding Shelter

Shortly after writing my blog post last night, a bomb sort of dropped when I received a message from a dear friend, and I ended up being up late and fighting off the anxiety that I’d done so well at battling the last couple of days.

I’m proud of myself, though. I think I handled it better today than perhaps I ever have? I handled it really well, anyway, however it stacks up against previous days like this.

I had some hard stretches, but honestly, I did really really well.

No cars today. A little work on the trails (just touch up). Tried to mow the yard, but I realized the mower deck was having issues, and upon further inspection, it… well, let’s just say I ordered $162 worth of parts that’ll be here in a week or so, and I need to rebuild the mower deck.

So… the grass will be a bit long, as it already needed to be mowed today, and we’re gonna have three days of rain in a row (Monday being the first).

It’s 5:09 a.m. I haven’t gone to bed because I’m still working on assessment stuff that’s due tomor… er… today. I guess I could just take a second late fine, but I really don’t want to, though I might not be able to get this done in time anyway, given how much there still is to do.

Anyway, it’s been a heavy day that I’ve done really well on nearly all day until probably the last couple of hours, when I slid a good bit into discouragement. But that probably has a lot to do with lack of sleep at this point, so I’m not gonna pay it no nevermind. 😊

#1. I’m grateful that I was able to spend time with the Hill Family a bit today.

#2. I’m grateful that I was able to find parts quickly for the mower.

#3. I’m grateful that the mower worked long enough to do the little touch ups on the trails I wanted to get done.

#4. I’m grateful I was able to chat with my friend after the rough night last night and that message that was hard to process.

#5. I’m grateful for the rain. I love the rain, the cool weather. It’s gonna get toasty here in a week or so (high seventies, maybe some low 80s). Summer is almost upon us.

Daily Accountability:

The Positive

1. I’m really proud of myself for staying positive in the face of really hard things today, staying calm, and remarkably peaceful.
2. I’m clean another day clean from addiction. 😊
3. I spent time visiting family when I could have chosen to stay home, which I was feeling more like doing, so it was good that I got my but out.
4. I was able catch myself with a non uplifting thought and dropped and did some pushups. That was good. I forgot about them this morning in these wee hours of the morning, but hey, that’s something.

The Needs Improvement

1. Ugh. Bed.

Tired. 5:26 a.m.

Loves and hugs. 😊 Please pray/send positive universe vibes that I can maintain perspective. That’s what I need right now. I’ll be fine if I can just trust and maintain perspective. Was doing great. Tiredness might be affecting… Cross your fingers for tomorr… er… today.

Lift the World.

~ stephen