I’m pretty vulnerable right now. I’ve been slipping a bit the last little bit, and today it got pretty bad. Not doing very well in the morning dailies (chats with the Big Guy, study, etc.), and it’s showed. I’ve been quicker to be overwhelmed, quicker to frustration, quicker to anger, quicker to make decisions that aren’t good for me, even a little rebellious, doing things I know I shouldn’t (like text and drive).
All that is a recipe for both unhappiness and relapse.
Gratefully, I’ve had a number of you rally around me today. I sent out a bit of an SOS to some people, acknowledging I’m not in a great place, and y’all are texting and calling and supporting, and I’m grateful.
Gonna pack it in here shortly, and I’m gonna give my electronics to my mother figure tonight, and we’ll try and right this ship.
It’s been a tough day. My mini excavator has been giving fits, one of the tracks coming loose on my friend while he was renting it.. Cars went… slowly today. I did… 5? None of them paid all that well, and most took a lot longer than hoped, but oh well. First car was a diag of a Honda Odyssey that I think just needs an alternator, but those stupid Oddysey vans… they don’t like their new alternators, so it took like 3 hours to troubleshoot to try to be confident it wasn’t some crazy other thing because I’m getting tired of those vans blowing alternators, and I’m wondering if it’s aftermarket parts that are just not built right for those things or what it is. I just don’t know. Anyway, I was there for a long time but only charged for one hour.
Second car was a busted throttle cable rod (didn’t even know the part existed, but apparently some… poorly designed cars (in my opinion) need throttle cable rods. I jimmy rigged it, so it was drivable until he was able to get the needed part from the dealer.
Third car was a rear brake job on a New Hampshire car (code for salted winter roads, code for lots of rust, and those took a lot longer than I’d hoped because I had to scrape lots and lots of rust off, so the pads would even go into their slots. They were so tightly fitting in there that I had to bang the old ones out.
People are in such a hurry, they just don’t do a good job. Cleaning up after shoddy work is… far too common. But to do the job right takes… a lot longer. Pad slapping a car takes 30 minutes. Doing it right today took… 2 hours? But people don’t want to pay for the 2 hours…
Fourth car he thought was an alternator… I got there and the battery cables were loose. Couldn’t reproduce any issues after that. All was fine. So… that was a quick visit, and he’s good, I think.
Fifth car was a BMW no start. He thought it was a battery. Turned out to be the starter. So… that was the day. I’ve got… 10 cars on the schedule for tomorrow. That’s fewer than I probably should have, but I’m just gonna bump some people. It’s gonna be crazy tomorrow. Crazy crazy crazy.
#1. I’m grateful that, cross your fingers, while I’ve been writing this, my friend texted me and said that the mini ex held grease, and the track stayed tight, so… hopefully, it’s ok.
#2. I’m grateful that the last two jobs went decently quickly after a slow start to the day. It’s weird. That seems like such the norm. The day is slow going in the beginning and ends strong. Weird. But I’m grateful it did today.
#3. I’m grateful that I was near the CNG station today. I filled up today, and it filled up more than I expected, which I think is good because I was surprised at the number of GGE (gallon of gas equivalents) it filled last time, thinking it wasn’t all the way full, so… I think it evened out.
#4. I’m grateful that I was able to get the brakes on that rusty car solid.
#5. I’m grateful to have happy customers.
Daily Accountability:
The Positive
- 21 days. Three weeks. I’m not feeling tempted by the porn crap, but I know full well that’s exactly how this issue goes for me. I don’t crave or have withdrawals. I’m fine, just about all the time. I don’t really think about it until one day, boom. And watching how things have been, I know I’m vulnerable right now–very vulnerable. But we’re working on it.
- I chose to reach out to peeps to help me overcome today. My struggling is my own fault. My vulnerability my own fault right now, but I’m grateful to y’all for helping me through my own mess, and I’m proud of myself for reaching out and saying. I screwed up. I dug my hole, and I need help out of the hole.
- I was taking the potential issues with the mini excavator relatively in stride by the end of the day. Just… business. Just what’s gonna happen here and there.
The Needs Improvement:
- Lots. 😬 Morning dailies.
- Not getting angry with the guy who laid on the horn when I pulled out ahead of him (thought there was plenty of distance, and it was a red light anyway, so he needed to be slowing down anyway), but he honked angrily, and I got angry back. I know that’s a big sign I’m not doing well because that’s… not me… to get mad at someone like that when I’m driving.
Onward.
So… my friend Brittani has had major pain issues, undiagnosed, for well over a decade. She’s going in for a laparoscopy tomorrow at 10 a.m. mountain time. Please send lots of prayers/positive universe thoughts her way. It’s been a debilitating, devastating, discouraging challenge for many many years. Right now, I’m leaning toward endometriosis as the likely choice but with another really rare condition as another possibility. This is an exploratory surgery–hoping to find something. From what I understand from what her doctor said, it can be hard to find evidence of endometriosis, that for every nodule found, there could be a 100 you don’t find. So… the hope is that they’ll at least find something to explain the massive, debilitating pain she’s experienced for so many years. So… yeah… prayers and positive universe energy requested.
Love to all.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 