I think I’m sort of on automatic right now. Just… doing life but not living?
Work. To-do stuff. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
4 cars today. 2013 Corolla, overheat. Had a fan that was going bad, and a piece of the radiator crumbled, which made things… interesting.
Then an ’84 Wrangler that wouldn’t start. Was grateful I’d run into the same problem in an old Wagoneer. Old-style ignition switch slips… needs to be repositioned. That’s all.
Third one… Putting a fuel tank back in a Yukon.
And fourth….A no start… Just bad connections at the battery and really low on oil.
Fireworks activity up the hill. Fun to see mom on the redneck lawnmower with the super bright lights mowing the lawn in the dark. Happy it worked so well.
Chrysti’s viewing tomorrow.
Life… quite the experience.
~ stephen
Lift the World 
Thinking of you, Stephen…. I know love only goes so far… I wish there was something I could do.
The only thing I can say, and it doesn’t stop me from having meltdowns periodically, as you know! – is do well by yourself.
If auto-pilot is what you need to do for yourself for a while, that’s okay!
If you want your faith – go looking for the experiences and confirmations you’ve had that are not connected with the particular issue that’s caused you so much heartache. Remember that agency is real and the Lord has back-up plans, and back-ups for the back-up plans, and back-ups for the back-ups, for the back-up plans into infinity for the happiness of every single human being who ever has or ever will live on this earth.
Speaking of which… Maybe you want to go lose yourself in serving those who have the least of the least for a while? With an organization that already exists or freelancing or…? Locally, nationally, or internationally? There’s no better way to center oneself in gratitude, peace, and love from the inside out, than by giving a hand up or just love, to those who have the least of the least of the least.
If you want to move on from your faith or change its shape, color, or object, or… Maybe go looking for the things that have brought you the most true happiness and the most true peace. Let go of the things that have brought you bitterness. Bitterness cripples and poisons our present and future selves. It stunts our ability to receive happiness in the little and big things. I know that’s easier said than done. There are a lot of people who love you who may have ideas for good catalysts for perspective shifting/energy-shifting, ways of coping, healing, or using our hard experiences as catalysts for good and for joy…. All of us who love you have our own bitternesses, crushed dreams, crushed hopes, crushed relationships, crushed health, or other tragedies that we work to cope with, make peace with, consign to its own place but no other place, etc.
Wishing you peace and hope…
Oh, I echo Heather! With all my love.