With any luck, I’ll be in bed before midnight.
I didn’t work today. I wasn’t feeling well–exhausted from all the short nights and long days and over the edge physically. Today was the closest I’ve gotten to a full blown crash since I started taking the migraine stuff when starting to feel on edge.
I never got all the way over the edge. I’m grateful.
Finished watching Poldark. It felt… I… identify so much with so many of the stories and circumstances and plotlines of the show. Great show, for anyone who enjoys period dramas. Though I’m easily entertained, so it might not be saying much.
I’m… pretty low. And I’m pretty lonely. And I wish I were the never down, never broken kind of person, the one who’s always looking forward with courage and determination… but I’m down and broken. I can’t seem to ever get up. …and these last 12 years of my life have broken me more than I could ever accurately convey to anyone.
I feel stuck. Trapped. Every path is pain. Every path is hell. I have no way out. I can’t even give up and be relieved of the pain. Every choice is a painful hell.
I’m so tired of it. So so so tired of it.
11:55.
Best be getting to bed.
~ stephen
Lift the World 
When life is too much in panorama, narrow your focus. Sometimes it takes narrowing down to just breath after breath. Refuse to let your mind wander past the boundary of this one moment. Remember, burdens feel heavier in the dark. Make no decisions after sun down – they will always be lopsided. đź’•