2021-09-12 — Divorce Before Marriage and Two ER Visits

So I decided to close my curtains to keep some of the light out (being a very light sleeper, I wake up easily when the sun comes up, even if I’m really short on sleep. And I was short on sleep, so I chose to close my curtains to make it easier). The result?

I slept in until almost noon, I think. 😶

Whoops.

After getting up, and because lately I’d been feeling like I’ve been focusing too much on myself, and decided I wanted to go out and lift the world, so I planned to go out and just… do good; but then I remembered the family meeting at 5 and that tomorrow was going to be the first day that my new guy was going to start, and I wasn’t ready–needing to get stuff to him so he’d have what he needed for the jobs.

So I went to the family meeting, and then I headed over to meet up with the new guy. But… it didn’t quite go as planned. We got divorced before we even got married, so to speak. The short end of the story is that upon meeting up with him, as I was helping to transfer stuff from my van to his car, I noticed that his car reeked of pot, …and he was stoned. 

Lovely. 😕

I had been excited to have him, but I can’t have someone working for me who thinks it’s okay to be high and drive, to meet up with your boss high… no. Just… no. 

Yeah, I get that being stoned while driving isn’t like driving drunk. I’ve been stoned while driving. But I also know that you’re not all there, even if you’re mostly there. And I can’t have someone mostly there. I need to be able to trust that someone representing my business will make good decision, like choosing to drive sober. And I can’t worry that he’s going to show up to work on cars stoned. Jobs require a lot of attention to detail, remembering what you’ve done, what needs to be done, etc. You’re just not gonna be fully on top of your game when you’re high.

Ugh.

He told me that he’d never been high on the job before, but if he’s willing to show up stoned to meet with his employer? And to drive stoned? 

Nope. 

😕

Ugh. Sad day.

Not to mention recreational pot is still illegal here. Use has gone through the roof. I smell it everywhere nowadays. (Hate the stuff.) Grateful I learned as a teenager, at least for myself (no judgment to any of y’all), that life was so much more enjoyable with all of my faculties sharp. Sure, being stoned was fun. No argument there. Sure, if getting drunk is legal, then I can’t see any reasonable reason that getting stoned shouldn’t be. It’s sort of stupid it’s not, honestly (in my opinion). But follow the law. If you don’t like it, work to change it; and don’t drive under the influence, and don’t go to work high. 

End rant.

Anyway, the new path forward was over before it began, but as the saying goes, the best time to get divorced is before the marriage. I had someone else apply for the position today, so hopefully, he will be a good fit. I’ll reply to him tomorrow. Crossing fingers. Again.

Honestly, I wish this kid could have worked out. I was looking forward to having a worker again, and he seemed like he could be a good one, but I can’t chance it. I just can’t.

After I drove away from meeting with him, it started to hit hard, honestly. It was another slap in the face, so to speak, another hope dashed. Another path forward hedged up, another boot in my side when I feel down.

Fortunately, though I sank into broad-spectrum life discouragement for a little while, I remembered “I want to be the kind of person who’s undeterred, who just gets up, is endlessly optimistic, and charges forward again determined and unfazed.

Remembering that helped.

I was down for a bit, but maybe only 30 minutes or so, and then I was back to thinking about the possibilities of the future. 

Though that was a big event that dramatically shifted my expectations for how things were going to go, it wasn’t the most important event of the day: I received an email from my oldest brother letting me know that my dad had been lifeflighted to the hospital in St. George, UT with heart issues. He’s been battling with heart issues for a long time now, but it got bad enough today that he passed out. He was there for a while, released, and then came home with some meds and a plan of action if the issue were to happen again.

Well, the issue did happen again–shortly after he got home–so he went back to the hospital.

Prayers, positive universe vibes requested.

Loves and hugs to all.

Lift the World.

~ stephen