Home Page Entry: 2021-01-02

(Last updated Jan. 2, 2021)

Hola, all you wonderful people out there! 🙂 Happy day to you. 😊 My name is Stephen, and the guy to the left (unless you happen to be reading this backwards while looking at your screen’s reflection in a mirror; in which case, the guy is to your right, and kudos to you for being terrifically talented in your reading skills!!!). Oh! I could also be above if you’re on a cell phone or smaller screened device. 🙃

Aaaaanyway, the guy in the picture… he’s… well… he’s kind of me? 😁

I confess. He might be a little misshapen, but… I was trying to get a current picture of myself for today’s home page update, and… well… this was my favorite. 🙃

Moving one.

Er. On. (I guess I won’t edit out my errors.. We’ll just leave ’em in for… well… no, I’ll fix them from here on out.

Moving on. For those of you who know me, this next part is old news, but it’s still me to a T, and it’s new to all y’all who don’t know me:

If there’s anything I’d want you to know about me, it’s that I want more than anything for the world to be a better place for my having been born–for every person’s life to be brighter when I’m around. I want to spend my whole life encouraging, inspiring, lifting, loving, and serving every person with whom I come in contact.

I want to be an influence for love and peace and light and… lots of other good things… as far and as wide as I possibly can. 🙂

Second only to that, and likely coming as a result of trying to do and be that, I want to become the very best person I can be–tippity top on that list being loving every person and creature with an unconditional, selfless love.

One, perhaps whacky, thing I believe? I always have been who I will become. So… I’m already those things I want most to be, and at the same time… I’m not.

Probably sounds like nonsense. 🙃

So… despite that I am and will become love (🤪), I’m also pretty broken. So, I pretty much always fall quite short of the lofty expectations I hold for myself. I’m a major work in progress, and unfortunately, on some occasions, people are worse off for having run into me.

😕

I’m trying, though.

Yup. I’m a mixture of all sorts of tendencies and emotions. I’ve done many very good things in my life, and I’ve done bad things as well; and I hope that by sharing my life, my thoughts, and my experiences–the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly–that it can be one way that I really can make the world a better place for my having been here, helping other people feel comfortable and free to just be who they are–rose petals and thorns and all.

I still have plenty of messes to clean up that I’ve made in the past but hopefully more good that I can do than messes to clean; and hopefully this blog helps me to be successful with both, and also hopefully, I’m able to keep from creating too many new messes! And also also hopefully…

…

I just wanted to write also also. I have nothing else to say there.

😶

As far as the less-important details are concerned, I’m (gulp) 39 years old 😲. I live in a beautiful little pocket of Northwest Arkansas on about 100 or so acres, just far enough away from town to be in the country, while still being quite close to the modern conveniences of first-world living.

I’m privileged to live here, having inherited a wonderful extended family when my mother remarried and moved here several years ago. My Arkansas family has been wonderful to me, including letting me live in this beautiful little piece of heaven with them.

Currently, I’m single. I’ve never been married. I have no children, and for the present, that’s how it’s gonna stay, as I feel like I’m not supposed to date or look for a significant other for the time being (which… is… really really hard for me, honestly, but it’s what I feel in my heart is best to do right now).

Anyway, I run a mobile auto mechanic business, just me and contract workers. Business is good. I used to work 80-90 hours a week, but I’ve managed to get it down to maybe 60-70? Anyway, I’m still altogether too busy with that, and I’m working on paring that massive number of hours down even further.

Perhaps to… 0. 😁

I’ve wanted to, and lately the drive has been getting stronger, just spend the rest of my life in humanitarian and peace work. Lifting everyone everywhere in every way I can.

I’d probably start a nonprofit to do that. I’m…this close!

In fact, that’s pretty much on the docket for this year–transition out of running my business. Turn it over to someone else to run, with me occasionally checking in, but with me moving on from it and going where my heart longs to be.

I worked really hard at changing my life and myself last year. I’d settled into all sorts of habits and addictions that were wasting my life away in a number of ways, and I’ve worked hard to bring my life in harmony with what my soul craves–to give love and to lift the world. Thus, as of this writing, I’ve been:

#1. Writing in my journal every single day for over nine months now (my most frequent posts are just journal entries, which I’m going to make more thought filled this year and less chronological recaps of the day.

#2. Staying away from candy and sweets and desserts and sugar and junk food for about eight months now.

#3. Holding my tongue in check, with I think maybe zero pre-meditated curse words in the last eightish months? Very very close, borderline a handful of times, and a few flyers here and there, but none that are clearly premeditated, I’d say. That’s pretty cool. Progress. 😊

#4. Keeping myself clean from porn/masturbation addiction for… 19 days now, I think. That’s not very long, but it’s something, and I’m determined to stay clean for the rest of my life. I will find a way. I will do whatever it takes.

#5. Leaving TV shows and movies alone. I’m somewhere around eight+ months with that as well. I watch YouTube stuff here and there, both instructional and occasionally entertaining, but I don’t go watch TV and movies. I’ve replaced that time with writing journal and other posts and whatnot. It’s such a blessing.

#6. Transitioning to a vegetarian/vegan diet. It’s been challenging, and I’m losing more weight than I’d like at this point, but I’m not going to go back. It’s not so much for health, though that’s a nice benefit, as it is for the sensitivity to the well-being of this world’s creatures and the quality of their lives.

#7. Kicking sports and news out of my life. Sports for eightish months, I think, and news for only a handful of days in a row (though it’s been weeks that I’ve been nearly completely free of it). Sports wastes my life pretty much completely, and news is… often a trigger for porn, as well as just a general downer with the right and left wagging their fingers at the other (and that’s putting it nicely) and “news” not even really being “news,” but twisted, spun, opinion to give audiences what they want to hear and to shift them further toward… yeah…

Anyway… moving on… again.

So… things to add on for the new year:

#1. 2021 is the year I kill fear. I’m gonna figure out how to just finally let it go. I’m just going to choose to be okay with whatever happens and to find the opportunities in everything.

#2. 2021 is the year I’m going to banish anger.

#3. I don’t think I’m going to beat it in 2021, but I’m going to bust my butt to replace pride and selfishness with love and selflessness.

#4. I’m going to make a concrete plan to transition into the nonprofit humanitarian/peace sphere, and by the end of the year, I’m going to be in that sphere.

#5. I’m going to take excellent care of my body–food wise, exercise wise, injury-risk wise, etc.

#6. I’m finally going to get some PA equipment, and I’m gonna sing. Because I love it. 😊

#7. I’m going to work hard to live in gratitude every day.

#8. I’m going to focus outward, going out of my way every day to lift others.

#9. I’m going to write regular, meaningful posts on my blog and not just journal entries.

#10. I’m going to write one of my books, and I’ll actually finish one this year.

I’ll call that good for now. I’m a perpetual resolution maker, so this will be updated, certainly, in the not-to-distant-future. I’m always adding, adjusting, working one all sorts of things.

Anyway, there’s a ton more I could write about myself, that I love being out in nature and feel my home is there, that I love waterfalls and the sound of water… but… it’s late tonight, and I don’t want to do much more of that this late at night (it’s 9:41, well past my bed time). I haven’t written my actual journal entry yet, so… gonna wrap this up and jump on over to that.

I hope this little blog is a blessing to you. Feel free to send me messages, ask me questions, whatever you’d like. It’s just about my life and the things I’m learning and trying to do. I want it to be transparent–no holds barred. That’s hard when there are other peoples’ lives involved, and I want to respect their privacy even when I’m not really concerned at all about my own. Honestly, I think the world will benefit greatly from people who are willing to share everything, even the deepest, darkest, most “shameful” parts of their lives. I personally think we’ll find we’re much more similar than we are different. I hope sharing the things I share will encourage others to do the same and help us all be less judgmental of ourselves and more empathetic and kind to others.

Now… if you are reading this and you feel I’ve wronged you in any way, please send me a message, and I’ll do my best to mend what I’ve broken.

Loves and hugs to all y’all.

Lift the World.

~ Stephen

P.S. If you’d like to learn a little bit more about me and my life. Click on the links below at your leisure. I will be going back through each one periodically to make edits in an effort to provide the most-accurate representation of my life that I can 😊.

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