I am love. I am light. I am integrity. I am determination. I am joy. I fear nothing. I am indomitable.
See the vision. Become the vision.
Morning Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to remember to do my morning gratitude today, first time I’ve remembered!
- I’m grateful that I once again woke up even before my alarm (3:45 this morning), despite being late to bed last night by more than I’d like to have been (9:15, I think).
- I’m grateful to be able to pop up and drop down and do pushups, even with dry, sleepy eyes. Did 25 this morning for my morning pushup wakeup routine.
- I’m grateful that I’m coming up on three weeks since this course correction in my life, and life is… remarkably different than it was a month ago. Wow.
- I’m grateful to be making progress in the yard and in my room, and in the house.
- I’m grateful for a warm house on a cold morning (28 degrees outside when I got up and went out to do my driveway and yard 5x5s.
- I’m grateful that I was able to push through and go running today, just plowing forward. No fear. No excuses. My hip did ok, only minor pain, as running isn’t the exertion that causes the pain.
- I’m grateful to be on this no fear quest. It’s helped immensely already. In fact, there as no hesitation at all getting in the cold shower after running out in the cold, and there was no little or no hesitation in choosing to run up the big steep hill on DeGraff Rd. I just plowed forward and did it.
- I’m grateful for the time to think while I’m meditating, running, doing 5x5s, etc. I’m working on a short mantra/statement of self (a very rough draft of which is what started this post out).
- I’m grateful to be making so much progress in my personal life right now. I feel I have so. much. to work on… a veritable mountain to plow through… but I’m making progress, and progress is good.
So yeah, up early this morning, worked hard at the various morning routine doohickeys. 💪😎 Then I started thinking about making my second video, knowing that I’d committed to do it but starting to feel nervous about it. I was nervous yesterday, but today I was so much more nervous. I was afraid of bothering people (there’s stephen with another cheesy/goofy/annoying video about overcoming fear). I was afraid no one would care. I was afraid something I said might offend people (saying I only had 50 views, maybe hurting the feelings of the people who did view it, as if their views weren’t valuable).
After making the video and starting to post it, I started to feel the chemical flood through my body, to the point where physically, I could feel part of the flight response? And I also had the feeling that I have when I’ve had a negative interaction with someone, and I just feel nervous/afraid/scared that I’ve messed something up.
It took me a little while to overcome. One of my sisters watched the video and said that it was even better than yesterday’s video, so that was nice. I want to overcome the core of the fear that slammed into me and not just be reassured and avoid the source of the fear, but to be honest, it was really nice to be reassured in the moment when a shockingly strong and unexpected fear response hit quite hard. I was not prepared for that. It was just… a YouTube video. 🙃
Anyway, so I posted that video and headed out to work. I got some tax stuff figured out at the Bentonville AutoZone, and then I went to my first job–replacing the EGR valve in a 2012 Ford Escape. Had a really cool conversation with the customer about the fear stuff I’m working on. He talked about his experiences with his bible study group and some of the things members of the group talked about. It was just a really good conversation. 😊
Did only just one other car, and I talked to the young lady about my nonprofit stuff and a little about the fear stuff that I’m working on as well.
Came home and talked to my mom about the fear challenge. She’s joining me in the challenge and has been listing out her fears, and we talked about some of hers and some of mine. She brought up the one about penis size (sorry if it’s uncomfortable for any of you to read. It is uncomfortable for me to write, but I feel like its an unhealthy discomfort). Anyway, she asked me what I was specifically afraid of about it and why, and it took me several minutes to get up the courage to actually explain the details.
But. I. Did.
Fear faced. Bring it on.
It’s been a little harder today all the way around–a bit of a headwind, from the unexpected, strong fear reaction in the morning that… was so… well… unexpected and not normal 🙃, to feeling a sense of loss and sadness over a friend I don’t really communicate with anymore, to not getting much done in the walking the fears back, to it being late already and needing to go to bed. It’s been… yeah, a bit of a headwind.
But!
I am love. I am light. I am courage. I am integrity. I am determination. I am joy. I fear nothing. I am indomitable.
💪😎
Boom.
🙃
So here we are! Day 49 in the countdown is in the books. Bring on tomorrow! So many thoughts in my brain. So many things to ponder. So much I want to do. So much I want to become.
What an exciting life.
To be transparent, there is a fear underneath that is just sitting there. Fear of how hard this work of fulfilling my dream will be. Fear of the potentially countless people who won’t give me a second look when I want so badly to just help people. But… bring it on. I fear nothing. I. Fear. Nothing. I will do this. I will overcome. I will create. I will transform. I will bring love and light to all that want it. I will strive to bring hope to all who need it. I will be true in all I do. And I. will. never. give. up.
Never.
Indomitable.
So… guess that brings us to…
Accountability:
- Bed last night at 8:30: 9:15? Not so great, but I’m getting there.
- Up at 4: 😎
- 5x5s: 😎
- Exercise: 😎
- Cold shower: 😎
- Meditation: 😎
- Breakfast: 😎
- NP Work: My memory of this morning is… lacking. 🙃I think I did some, but I think it was less than the 45 minutes allotted.
- Tax Work: 😎
- Lunch: Uh… I… yes!!! I even stopped at the grocery store to buy food! 💪😎
- Work done by 6: I was home before 5!!! Wahoo!!! 😎
- Dinner: 😎
- Only truly healthy foods: Uh… I think I might have done this solidly today. Healthy breakfast. Healthy lunch (canned vegetarian chili? Is that healthy?)
- No Wasted Life: There was a bit of avoiding working on the working back the fears because I was exhausted, and it’s… not easy mental processing, but I worked on it, and I tried to make my avoiding productive avoiding; and in the end, I did spend a decent amount of time on it, though it probably doesn’t look like much on paper.
- No Distracted Driving: Better today. Getting better and better!
- Faced a Fear: For freaking sure! That convo with my mom was pretty challenging. And making the video was challenging.
- Tamed the tongue: 😎
Evening Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to not get down on myself for being imperfect in these goals, but being able to see the progress and to be excited about progress. The 5x5s have taught me a lot with that, I think.
- I’m grateful to have been taking it easier lately instead of loading up on work. Just two cars today. I easily could have done several more, but no, I have more important things to do than to work far more than is necessary.
- I’m grateful to have had the jobs I did go well and to have been able to chat away through them.
- I’m grateful to have had it be a warmer day today. I mean, it was colder today, but it wasn’t crazy windy like yesterday, so it didn’t bite so hard at all.
- I’m grateful to be so much lighter in my heart lately. Certainly, there are plenty of heavy things, plenty of hard things, but I’m so much lighter than I have been.
- I’m grateful for all of you who are sending me so much support through this!
- I’m grateful to have tomorrow be Sunday to spend some better time contemplating, pondering, digging. This is exciting!
- I’m grateful to have my laundry all done.
- I’m grateful to have good conversations with customers.
- I’m grateful to have so much abundance. I think of all the shortages that we have, and it’s amazing we have as much as we do. It’s such a blessing to have so much abundance. We talk about shortages. And there are, compared to what some of us are used to, but we just got a second fridge for the garage, and it has food in it, too. We have abundance.
Thought of the Day: “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” -William Shakespeare
Lift the World
~ stephen
Lift the World 