Hiya, folks! 😊
Another rainy day here in Ark town. Might even have snow tomorrow. 😶 I guess the high is gonna be around 40. Didn’t think about that when I scheduled jobs for tomorrow. The storm was supposed to end today, and Wednesday was supposed to be clear, but… it’s Arkansas. 🙃
I’ve been… off today. Like I’m bouncing on the wind, no direction, no focus. It’s been a little… weird.
So many things going on in this little brain of mine…
I woke up today and checked my trading account to see if my funds had settled, but they hadn’t. So I communicated with the Fidelity peeps and found out that, unlike the rest of the world that completes EFTs in 48-72 hours, Fidelity won’t complete my transfer until the 29th. 😶
Really?!?! The twenty whatth?!?!
That was a bit frustrating. That puts all of my funds pretty much unusable for 11 days–caught in limbo. I mean, I can buy, but I can’t sell anything, as that would be a violation and cause problems. But I’m getting into this as a swing trader. I don’t want to buy and hold at the moment.
That was a bit frustrating. I spent a while going back and forth between them and my regular bank trying to figure out what was going on before I finally learned the above.
Ugh.
So then I spent a good little while trying to find a work around, all the while the stocks I was trying to buy yesterday morning that went up yesterday, climbed about twice as high today as they did yesterday. Most of them around a 10% gain in two days.
Yeah… and I sitting there with a zero settled balance.
Like I mentioned the other day… at least I think I mentioned it… I seem to be 180 degrees off of the timing on… so many things in my life these last several years.
Having watched the market, and having seen those stocks fall dramatically for no good reason (super successful businesses making huge gains and growing tremendously), simply that the market spooked in a sector, and people sold, only to realize they didn’t need to be spooked, and now they’re buying back.
Key word they. 🙃
I spent a decent part of the day trying to get a work around to maybe salvage the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for for months but was unprepared for when it came because… the money didn’t settle when I expected. I suppose I could have bought and just held. That probably would have been good, as I’m expecting the stocks to stay up for a long time and probably go even higher, but… I think I was so focused on not being able to sell, wanting to not be handcuffed, that I didn’t think about the position overall.
Oh well.
Anyway, I spent a long time trying to find a work around. The money had already been released by my bank, so there was nothing I could do. Limbo for 11 days. Crazy when it’s a bank-to-bank transfer. Why 11 days?!?! I mean, seriously. If it were a huge check, okay, but a bank-to-bank transfer?
After talking to like four different people, some of whom gave conflicting information, I finally figured out a way around the issue (they suggested trading on margin, which y’all know how debt averse I am, so I’m not going to borrow money to trade with). But I did find that since the money was in my account, just not available to sell with, I could add more money to the account via direct wire transfer, and because I already had the other money in the account, that money would meet the PDT requirements, so I could do whatever the heck I wanted with the new money I wired over.
Queue the next frustrations as it took probably an hour or two to get the wire transfer sent over, running into issues with my own bank, the system being down, and all sorts of other issues.
It was at that point that a familiar feeling came back to me. In times passed, I would have called it the Spirit or God trying tell me something. I’ve had these experiences countless times before. The little voice that directs me, and often, not to do something that I’m trying to do. In this case, today, I got what felt like a clear “wait” message. Like I was supposed to wait for something, and not act on the stock stuff right now. I found myself talking to god (if there even is one), in a rather frustrated tone, expressing my frustration and my lack of trust in any of those feelings/experiences.
Then I was reminded of the last clear one that I got. It was about my bulldozer. I was clearly directed not to drain the hydraulic fluid out of it and start trying to get it fixed. But I ignored it. Why? Because I was tired of following those experiences/messages/directions when my life has turned out the way it has as a result of following those things. I sacrificed and let go of what I wanted on the promise of what was to come, something more amazing than I could really understand.
It never came to be, and I lost all faith in god and those feelings and impressions and directions and messages and all that…
But as I was fighting to get my accounts funded to start trying to diversify financially, etc., there it was again. I used to feel directed all the time. Now… it’s very rarely. The last time was that dozer. I ignored the messages. I even remember at the time saying to myself, well, you’ve followed those in the past, and look where it got you, go ahead and ignore it this time, and let’s see.
Well… you all know the story. Trying to have someone fix the dozer cost me $1250, he made it worse, and now I find myself with “put the dozer back together” on my to-do list, followed by “sell the dozer.”
The feeling I got then was right, and I ignored it. Why? Because the most powerful experience I ever had in that spiritual arena of life, about something extremely important to me, never came to be. I can point to who knows how many experiences that did come to pass just like I thought they would, just like I was directed, but why did this one, the most powerful, the most important to me, why did this one not come to be?
Every time I’ve ignored that, what I would have called promptings/impressions/messages from God, I’ve regretted it. This last time with the dozer, when I was specifically rebelling against the message because I was tired of following directions that brought me the most pain I’ve ever experienced in my life, a pain that continues every. single. day.
What am I supposed to do?
So here it is again with the stock thing.
Wait? I’m afraid to follow that. I’m afraid to ignore it. Ignoring doesn’t go well for me. Following… usually goes well, except in the most important area of my whole life–at least to me personally.
I found myself saying to god (if there even is one), okay, you’ve gotta show me something here, and I gave the specific thing that I demanded.
But it hasn’t happened. So now what?
I don’t know if that’s been the cause of my feeling disoriented, completely unfocused today or if it’s something else, but I’ve just been… floating around–directionless, like I’ve forgotten all my goals and am in a daze.
(sigh)
I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.
It’s time for bed, so I guess the next right thing is sleep. Maybe I’ll get an answer in a dream. 🙃 Wish there were somewhere solid I felt like I could place my feet in this whole mess.
(sigh)
In other news, I was at least partially productive today. I spent a long time working with people in Missouri trying to get my Missouri business license application submitted. It was surprisingly challenging, lots of phone calls, multiple entities, and lots of time, but the application has been submitted, and all the fees paid for. I just have to wait the 20-25 business days it takes to process my application. Once accepted, I can chat with the Missouri Department of Revenue to figure out how to get them all the sales tax I owe them since 2018 to the present. It’s not that much, honestly. The business license fees and whatnot will be almost as much as the sales taxes I owe them, but whatever. It is what it is. At least that one is off my plate for the moment and on the back burner while I wait. I’ll focus on tying up the other loose ends I still have, which aren’t that many at this point. I obviously won’t reach my goal of being done with all the loose-end tying up by Monday, but… I’m still making progress.
Hope y’all enjoyed your Tuesday.
Love to all.
Lift the World.
~ stephen
Lift the World 