After taking the night shift watching over my aunt as the last of her mortal days slip away, I took a very long nap (another 4 hours or so), are breakfast, chatted a little with family, and then, feeling lonely and struggling quite a bit internally, despite wonderful, loving family all around, I drove away to… decompress a bit.
Since I was already in Payson, I decided to drive through Salem to see if I could find my high school girlfriend’s old house. I tried to find it some years back, I think, but wasn’t able to, having been so long since I’ve been there. I don’t think I really tried very hard, though, that previous time.
I did find it this time, a little bit of a trip down memory lane. She hasn’t lived there in years, neither has any of her family come I don’t think.
She and I are still friends on facebook, so I snapped a few photos and sent them to her, and we exchanged a few brief messages. It’s funny, I guess some of her kids went to the same high school that I went to.
It’s crazy to think that she’s got kids who’ve already graduated high school.
But I guess it’s not that crazy. That’s where I thought I was going to be at this point in my life.
No such luck.
It was a good, brief chat. She’s always been a wonderful and kind person. I guess she read my blog too, and saw how much I’ve been struggling lately and offered some words of support. I suppose she might end up reading this entry as well.
If you do, thanks, for your kindness.
After driving by her place, I drove into Spanish fork to see if I could find another home of my old high school friends. For some reason, though I think I went to that house a lot more, it was harder to find. I think I might have found it, but I wasn’t sure at all.
Memories.
After that, I drove over to the Springville super Walmart because I needed to use the bathroom, and it was on the way back to Provo Canyon where I was headed next.
As I got out of my car and started walking toward the building, I was taken a little aback because I thought maybe I saw that friend who I’ve written so much about lately. I’m not sure at all, but I think the car was right, and though I couldn’t see her face, the silhouette seemed right. I know she lives in the next city over, so perhaps it’s possible. Either way, I purposefully didn’t keep looking to figure it out for sure because if it was her, I didn’t want to cause issues.
From there, I headed up Provo Canyon, back to my favorite little stomping ground. This time I climbed up the little canyon just east of Upper Falls. From the road it looks like a teeny tiny trickle, but when you get up close, it’s a really beautiful little waterfall, with several drop offs, or whatever you call them. It’s absolutely gorgeous.
This is just the upper sections. And for some reason the selfie pictures make everything 180° off. I should actually be in the left of the picture with the waterfalls on the right. Not sure why it screws up the selfies.
Beautiful place. Got a little dicey there for a little bit, as a storm blew in while I was still in the canyon. It’s a little sketchy getting up there, but coming down in the crazy windstorm was even more sketchy. I even made a little goodbye video for everybody just in case I slipped and went over the cliff.
Gratefully, in the end, it wasn’t as bad as I was concerned it might be. The wind blowing so strongly up the little canyon probably actually helped. And getting down was a lot easier then I was afraid it might be.
It had been many years since I’ve been up there. But it’s been nice to get pictures of places that I’ve been that have so many stories.
Anyway, it was beautiful to be up there. Without all the distractions I’ve had in life, it’s still a big challenge. At one point, I just sat down on the trail and just cried. I’m so lonely. And there’s so much pain. It’s just so hard.
After I managed to make it down, I finished doing what I had set out to do which was to see if I could find a safer way to the other little canyons where all my favorite waterfalls are. I had taken another way once before, but I didn’t remember how sketchy it might be. Finding that pathway again, it was probably a little better than the way I normally take, but there’s still some sketchy parts that others would probably be a little uncomfortable with.
I skid it down a dirt/rock slide to come down, remembering that I done that many years before and had a lot of fun doing it. So I did it the same way this time. 😊
After getting off the mountain, rather sweaty and whatnot, I jumped in the river to wash all the sweat off and to clean all the dirt off my shoes. It was cold but refreshing.
Then I spent quite a while going through the eHarmony app looking at various profiles of women around the country.
Trying to find my way. Not sure which way to go or what to do.
Anyway, time for me to shut this down. Hope y’all had a wonderful day.
Love and hugs.
Lift the World
~ stephen
Lift the World 
Thinking of the past is like picking at a scab. Leave it alone.Let it heal. By this time your mind has worn a canyon to that place of pain. Climb or skid, but get out of that crevass, and revel in the view of the beautiful people you have yet to meet. You are lonely because you haven’t let go. Your heart is still tethered. No one wants to be second fiddle to a memory…if you’re lonely, stop going lonely places. Join a service group or two or three. You will find purpose and like minded people. Commit to growth and happiness!