One of the things that I have struggled with over the years is processing through very important things while dealing with regular life stuff at the same time. I Would love, for example, to be able to spend the time driving between jobs pondering on the important things in my life. Working through things, making decisions, coming to understandings about my life and what I want to do and whatever else might come up.
But I can’t seem to do it. I can’t seem to take 10 minutes here and 20 minutes there and 5 minutes there and whatnot and actually effectively process through any of those things. I don’t know if it’s just because I pretty much never remember to do that (which is certainly an issue), or if it’s because I have so many things on my mind all the time that I can’t get focused in, or what it is. But it’s been a goal of mine for years to be able to use that kind of unproductive time, so to speak, to do some of the most productive things of all–namely, work through questions and challenges and whatever else that I have to work through.
I’m wondering that if I turn it into a blog post that I dictate throughout the day… I wonder if maybe that will help.
…
I wrote that on the 17th. It’s now the 25th. So far… not so good. 🤪
So here’s the real question, the biggest of my life: How do I want to spend my life? What does my ideal life look like to me?
But as I asked myself that question, there’s a deeper question in my mind: What do I view as my purpose or goal for life?
Later the 25th…
I guess I would say in answer to that that my goal in life is happiness? And for me, I’m going to find that by spending my life making the world a better place it is many ways as I can. But I can’t do it like I have been. I can’t approach life like I have been.
I mentioned to one of my brothers yesterday that I tend to always find a way to stress myself out. I’m always so loaded down with 80,000 different things, and the goal is always to get them done.
But they are never done because there’s always another 80,000 things to add to them.
Gosh I hope there’s more life after this one. Stinks to take so long to learn some of these life lessons. And stinks even more to have it take so much longer to learn how to actually apply them.
I’m certainly not there yet.
I find my greatest happiness, I think, in finding ways to help other people be happy and feel loved.
7:28 pm… driving…
Ali put so much pressure on myself. I load myself down with unreasonable expectations. And then I stress, in my life goes completely out of balance because I make commitments that I can’t keep without throwing my life out of balance. So then I work 100-hour weeks. And during those hundred-hour weeks, yes, I brighten some people’s days here and there, but let’s be honest, not many people out there are happy to have to pay to have their cars fixed. People are grateful that I do a good job. People are grateful that I bust my butt to try and help them out, but it’s still not the funnest thing to have to spend money to fix something that’s broken of yours.
Not that that really has anything to do with it, but it’s just not where my heart is.
So I need to figure out not only how to go where my heart is, but also to just let go of all the pressure, reduce the quantitative expectations and focus on the qualitative.
I remember the words of my dear Aunt Leti… ” I only expect one thing of myself each day.”
Might not be the exact words, but that was the idea.
She didn’t really ever seem to be stressed. She was always pretty calm, pretty cool, pretty collected, pretty pretty chill.
Got to overcome these genes. 🤪
9:02 pm… driving home…
So I guess I’ve actually done fairly decently well today. I’ve actually been able to string together my thoughts somewhat from point to point during the day without losing a whole lot.
That’s… Potentially a pretty big deal. 🙃
If I can figure out how to process through really important things in the midst of a daily grind that demands so much of my attention, wow! I might actually succeeded accomplishing a goal I’ve had for years and years and years. 🤞🤞🤞
Love and hugs. 😊
Lift the World
~ stephen
Lift the World 