2023-05-01 — Mayday, Mayday

I’m embarrassed. I’m discouraged. I’m devastated.

The failures just seem to keep building. Nearly two full days off, and I don’t make even an ounce of progress in things that are going to matter for my life.

I needed to make progress. I’m barely hanging on.

…And now it’s Monday I’m going out to work feels like an unbearable burden. I’m just suffocating right now.

And today… I was supposed to transfer my money back from my trading account to my regular bank account. But what did I do? I decided to give it one more go. I looked at stocks, and there was one that looked really great, so I went ahead and bought. And then I went and sold it for a profit, except… I didn’t. Instead of clicking the sell button, I accidentally clicked another buy button… without realizing it.

So instead of making a decent little profit to start the day, I had twice as many shares, and the price at plummeted since I had thought that I had sold it.

So I lost… a lot. I tried again… And I lost a lot more… Struggling because of the limitations of the system that I was using to trade with. Making everything so slow. I forgot how bad this system was.

And now, I’m $1300 down in this latest trading venture, and I’m thoroughly embarrassed.

It sucks even write this. I don’t want to admit to What happened, but that’s the whole point of this blog. Trying to be transparent with my life in the hopes that maybe it’ll help other people even when I’m embarrassed to be… me.

As my failures mount, I’m growing increasingly desperate within myself. I’m just… devastated.

I need a meaningful win… meaningful progress… somewhere.

I’m barely functional right now.

😕

Mayday mayday.

~ stephen