So far, folks, we’re doing really well in November. 😊
🥳
Couple of really good days with Cory, who drove away this morning, and a really good day today as well. 😊
That’s a mislabeling, as everyday is a good day: it’s just good in different ways.
I guess what I mean is today was a day with greater peace.
🥳
After saying goodbye to Cory in the morning, I was grateful to get in touch with the people with the state of Arkansas who handle the issuance of bonded titles. I think I might have mentioned that I had sent in the application for a bonded title before I left on my trip, but that I had come back to a letter saying that they needed the vin verification. But I had already done the van verification before I left.
Gratefully, the lady was able to find the vin verification in the system and said that she would just go ahead and print it and turn it in for me. I guess they must have lost the first one that I had done? I thought I sent it in, and I don’t have it anywhere among my papers that I can find here, and I did a whole lot of organizing before I left, so I would have had that paper right on top of the other ones that needed to be taken care of once I got back.
So that was really nice that she was able to find that it had already been issued and she could just go ahead and submit it for me.
🥳
I spent a lot of time listening to a biography of Brigham Young, which has been quite enlightening and very interesting.
Some years back, I got in touch with one of the faculty of the religious department at BYU who had been one of my professors when I was a student there, and I asked him which books I should have in my library in my journey toward a scholar-level understanding of church history.
He gave me a list of books, many of which I purchased in physical form and have owned for years now but haven’t read. Recently, since I have so many credits with audible, I’ve been buying those same books so that I can listen to them, and this Brigham Young book is the first one that I’ve listened to, listening to probably 2/3 of the book today (on 2.3 speed 😅).
One of the things I really like about this particular biography of Brigham Young that the BYU professor recommended I read is that it doesn’t gloss over the controversial topics, nor does it shy away from looking at the negative aspects of Brigham’s personality, beliefs, and actions.
Truth is what’s most important to me. I don’t like having the filtered stuff that leaves out the more challenging things to grapple with. I want to know the reality, as close as I can come to it, of people, events, motives, etc.
I spent a lot of time also watching documentary-style YouTube videos about the historicity of the Bible and the origin of the various books in the Bible.
It’s all very interesting stuff to learn, especially when historicity of certain events and people is challenged in the academic world. It’s an interesting juxtaposition to have testimony and personal experience of God next to the academic perspectives of what might or might not have happened and who might or might not have existed.
Truth. Truth is what I seek.
What I know is that peace fills my life when I believe in and trust the existence of God as I personally understand him and when I strive to become like him. Conversely, it has been my experience that anxiety multiplies and peace leaves in great measure when I doubt and fear, and even more so when I walk away from living the kind of life that emulates the nature and character of God as I understand him.
Does that mean that I trust 100% that I know that there’s a god? No, not at all. I am so quick to doubt that it’s a bit ridiculous, given the experiences I’ve had over decades of life. But that’s me right now, and that’s been me for decades.
And my bar for testimony is massively high. To know, in my world, is a big fat capital K know. It’s the same standard as knowing the 2 + 2 is 4, that The sun is shining, and that I can see my hand in front of my face.
Do I have that kind of a testimony right now?
No. Not even close.
Have I had that kind of a testimony in the past? Yes, I think there have been times in my life where I was so certain that I could honestly say that I knew God existed.
But of course, That’s been many years back now, and for the last several years, I have vacillated more than I have believed.
But that’s part of my journey. It’s part of this quest to find truth and to live it.
Man, it felt so good today to be free from wallowing in the media that I’ve been drowning myself in for the last week and a half.
It’s like a revelation every time I get away from it. And it’s like an addiction, returning to it again and again as my escape from pain and anxiety.
But that escape, without fail, without exception, makes everything worse for me personally.
But today I feel the freedom again. I’m free of it, and it feels great! It feels so great to spend my time with these things that fill my mind and soul.
I also had a good chat with one of my Hill sisters up here. Having been gone for 6 weeks, and then having been sick, and then depressed, and then having Cory here, I hadn’t participated in anything on the hill here since I got back.
But I had a great conversation with her as we walked up and down the driveway a couple times, and then I went to my nephew’s last football game of the season and spent time with her again as well as other Hill family members.
It’s good to be with them again.
I got all of the massive pile of clean laundry put away today, and I finished the last couple of loads as well.
I fixed the flat tire on my work van, so it’s ready to go if and when I’m ready to go again.
After the football game, I spent a whole bunch more time listening to the biography of Brigham Young, watching more documentary/ historical YouTube videos, and researching things online.
So grateful to be back learning. So grateful to be away from those things that hold me back from getting to where I want to get as quickly as is possible for me to get there.
Here’s to hoping that I can hold on a little bit better this time. 🤞
Today is day 3 of my thankful November, and that’s been going really well as well, with my conversations with the Big Guy focusing on giving thanks and not asking for anything. It’s a help to me right now, I think.
It’s after midnight now, though, so I’m going to call it a night.
Love& hugs!
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 