I had such big plans for today. I was going to get so much done.
😅
I started relatively well. Got everything done from Act I except eating breakfast.
My stomach wasn’t feeling great, so I wasn’t keen on eating.
I put my guitar amplifier back in Rover. I’m gonna get my electric guitar from my mom, and I’m going to do an experiment. I’m gonna see if I really will play.
I used to write songs… There’s a lot of music in this little soul… I just… forgot how to really live.
So many years lost… running… just trying to survive.
I forgot how to really live. I forgot how to enjoy.
I’ve been stuck… just trying to survive.
I don’t know if I’m ready to stop running. There’s so much pain. But I also think that I’ve run out of places to run. There’s no relief anywhere. There’s no avoidance. Even helping others doesn’t have the power it used to. It just hurts all the time. So whether I’m ready or not, I don’t think I have much of a choice. 😅
I loaded some stuff up into my little Civic and drove into Pea Ridge to the AutoZone. I returned 4 gallons of coolant, which was nice to be able to do because I have so much stuff left over from work. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of fluids. Most of the jugs and bottles of fluids have been kicking around so much that they’re not presentable enough to be able to take back. Only 4 gallons of coolant were close enough that they could probably resell them without issue. The rest… not so much.
I turned right around and bought a bunch of stuff. I bought oil filters for my truck and for the Civic and for Rover. I bought an AC belt for my truck because the belt that’s on it is trash. I can’t believe it even works. There aren’t really any teeth left on it. It’s just about without teeth. 😆
I bought some oil drain plug gaskets for the Civic, and I changed the oil right there in the parking lot because I didn’t want to empty the oil in their recycling bin and then turn right around and have my oil container full of oil again and have to do it again.
I spilled oil all over the parking space. I hate oil changes. 🙃 I ended up using a bunch of brake cleaner to try and clean up all the oil that was spilled.
But the oil change is done, so at least that’s something.
I also finally got my credit card information updated with AutoZone. Holy freaking crap it was an ordeal. It’s been like a month, and they’ve tried updating it in the store, and I’ve tried updating it online, and I’ve called in and followed their instructions, and this last time, apparently the new process requires that I call to update my credit card expiration date, and then they passed the message along to a specialist who then calls me back at some point to update my information.
😶
Are you kidding?!?!
Autozone’s systems have always been ridiculously convoluted, but this takes the cake. Though I prefer AutoZone over O’Reilly’s, I have never once ever ever ever ever ever had any issues with O’Reilly’s. Their systems just work. No weirdness. No convolution. Is that a word?
Anyway, I got a call back from The specialist at AutoZone whose job is to update credit card information because apparently they don’t trust me to update my own credit card information when I log into my account.
Anyway, it’s finally done. I hope.
🤞
Took my trash out. Got gas. Filled up my water bottles. Dropped off some stuff for Jim in the barn, and headed back to fill my truck back up with oil, put on a new filter, cross my fingers, and hope hope everything was good.
Well, it wasn’t.
After spending who knows how long trying to figure out the cause of the leak, and finally being pretty confident that it was the oil pan gasket, it turns out that the big leak wasn’t the oil pan gasket.
The big leak was the rear main seal. That’s what I was concerned it was a long time ago, but I couldn’t prove it. I’d shine my light up on the rear main seal, and nothing. Sure, it was a tiny bit wet, but it looked more like seeps than leeks. And there was no oil pouring out of the inspection hole, which is where I’ve always seen the oil leak when there is a rear main seal leak on those trucks and SUVs.
Apparently, the oil has just always been too clean for me to be able to see the actual path The oil is traveling. This time, when I filled the engine with oil, A filled it with royal purple, the expensive stuff.
As the name name States, the oil is a purple color, almost black. And when it started leaking, I was able to shine my light up and actually see the oil dripping down. As best I can tell, it’s the rear main seal. Lovely.
That requires removing the transmission, and at this point, I’m tapping out. I’m not going to fix it. Once I get everything figured out, I’ll sell the truck, as is, and that will be that.
Having that leak not be fixed, after all that effort over multiple days, that was pretty deflating. It just sucked all the life out of me.
Not that I have much life in me to be sucked out…
I kept working, though. Sorting, organizing, all that stuff. Just trying to get done with this huge mess.
I dried out all the microfiber towels that got soaked in the last rainstorm. I changed the oil in the lawn mower because it was black. Not black because it’s been that long since I changed it. Black because there’s a misfiring cylinder, and I think a whole bunch of carbon is getting in the oil very quickly. Looks like there’s metal in the oil, too, I think. I think the lawn mower is probably on its way out. Pretty soon it will just be a parts mower for another lawn mower.
I also installed the nice seat on the lawn mower. The other one that’s been on it was cracking and split all over, so I pulled it off and put the Nicer one on. Unfortunately, when I sat down, it just felt really wobbly, like it was on looser springs or something. I couldn’t find anything wrong with the seat itself, but it certainly was not going to work, so I took it back off, put the old one back on, put the nicer one on Facebook Marketplace for free, and gave it away. I let them know that I didn’t like the way It felt but couldn’t find anything wrong with it myself.
Let’s hope I don’t get any bad reviews. 😅 The guy I chatted with was really nice, and we chatted for probably 15 minutes, and he was happy with this heat, so hopefully I don’t get bad reviews. 🤞
Sort and organize. Sort and organize.
I got rained on a little bit. I removed the tow hitch from Loaf and have it ready to go on ET. Just need bolts And to bend back some bent parts of ET’s rear bumper frame.
The bolts were rusted on, so I had to cut most of them off with my grinder. Nearly cut my wiring harness in half, and had to get a bit creative with positioning to keep from getting hot metal all over my face. Got it all over my legs and shirt and shorts and everything, but at least I didn’t get it all over my face.
And yes, mama, I am wearing safety glasses. 😊
I’m discouraged by how long it’s taking to get all this stuff done. But it is what it is. I pray that I can get the last of the sorting and organizing tomorrow.
Oh, please, let me get it done tomorrow.
I still have to put the truck the rest of the way back together. All that work… Yes, there will be less of a leak, Pat it’s still a huge leak. I think the oil pan gasket was only maybe just seeping a little tiny bit. So I didn’t really fix anything at all. Just spent a couple days And money and didn’t Make any real progress.
(sigh)
Chatted with Mike a little bit. He drove down.
I’m tired.
Took a bath in the creek. Haven’t done that in a good long while. I can’t remember when the last time I took a bath in the creek was. The crayfish, apparently, are no longer afraid of me either. They started crawling on my feet while I was in there. 🙃
I don’t mind the fish breathing the bubbles off my leg hairs, But I’m not quite ready to have the crayfish, with their lovely little Pinchers, crawling on my feet.🙃
So each time they tried, I shewed them away.
Have a friend in New Zealand who’s going through a rough time. Been trying to reach out and support. Sent another message today.
Finished watching With Honors. Another movie that got the tears running.
Dinner.
Bumblebee sting has started reacting more. There’s probably a 5-in long swollen spot on my leg that’s starting to itch pretty good.
Fun fun fun. 😅
I’m not doing very well, but I should probably try expressing my gratitude for stuff.
- I’m grateful that I was able to find a new home for the lawn mower seat.
- I’m grateful that I was able to get the oil changed in the Civic. Though it was a pain, it’s at least done.
- I’m grateful that I have multiple cars to drive when one goes down.
- I’m grateful to have good people who care about me and support me as I struggle. I’m a struggler. 🙃
- I’m grateful for air conditioning. Today was a muggy hot day. I think it was mid-80s, but as muggy as it was, I was just dripping sweat. I might need to move back to the dry West if I’m going to have a big piece of property. But… I love my thunderstorms. I love the violent weather here. Trade-Offs. So many trade-offs.
- I’m grateful to have the internet That allows me to learn so much from wherever I happen to be and allows me to share with anyone interested in what I have to communicate.
Love and hugs
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 