Slept in a bit… No new brown recluses in the traps.
Trying to get through stuff, get stuff done. Had a nervous breakdown. Managed to call my mom before I did something stupid. Don’t know if I would do anything stupid anyway, but I figured I had better call my mom.
She came by and helped me sort through stuff.
Boy do I understand what my friend Roseanne was saying about just throwing everything away. For the amount of time that I’ve spent going through things, sorting things… I could have bought everything probably five times over, brand new, and a whole bunch of wonderful little cabinets and shelves and things to put it all in.
I’m well beyond my breaking point.
I’m breaking every single day… multiple times a day.
Yesterday, I full on got to the point where all I could do was repeat the same word over and over and over and over again. It’s like I was trying to hold on to reality… or something. Trying to hold on to something to be able to function.
I’m losing my mind.
I’d sell everything now at this point, but I’m almost done, in the chronological time since. I should have just dumped everything that I owned on my trailer, driven over to the Walmart parking lot and just given everything away on day one.
Live and learn.
I’m so broken. My brain doesn’t work anymore. I’m on such perpetual overload that… gosh I don’t even know what to say.
I’m grateful to my mom for coming over. She dropped everything and came over. I was mostly calm by the time she got here, which was probably only 10 minutes or so.
She helped me sort and go through things and organize and whatnot for probably at least a couple of hours.
It was beastly hot, and I was soaking wet from sweat.
I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch… just trying to make progress. Didn’t even think about it.
Just trying to get done. I’m living off of sheer willpower right now. It’s like the last mile of a 20-mile hike. There’s no energy anymore. You’re just willing your body along.
That’s every day for me. It’s excruciating.
My mom was able to convince me to stop and eat, so I took her out to eat in Pea Ridge.
Tried to do a little genealogy while there.
Picked up my electric guitar from her house.
Lots more sorting after getting “home.”
I spent a bunch of time going through the several bins of random stuff that have just been sitting there needing to be sorted for… ever.
I actually made some pretty good progress on that. That was nice. Still a good bit left to do, but good progress on at least that little part of the massive amount of work that still needs to be done.
My mom came over again later in the night just to say good night and to listen to the bullfrogs make they’re deep, rhythmic bellowing… or whatever you call the sound a bullfrog makes.
I was still sorting even though it was well past dark. She helped yet again.
Wonderful mama.
I retreated to Rover earlier than usual.
I’m not well.
Lift the World 