I think I probably fell asleep sometime around 3:00 in the morning, my alarm going off just two and a halfish hours later at 5:30.
I was surprised when I looked out the window to see an already filled parking lot.
I was really tired.
I made my way inside the gym, forgetting my water bottle, and so tired that I didn’t really want to work out. Because of that, I spent only 10 minutes on a treadmill before spending 10 minutes on a hydro massage bed, asking the worker behind the welcome counter what the hours were for the people who worked the overnight shift, as I felt like I wanted to arrive after they started working and leave before they left on nights that I was going to sleep in the parking lot there.
Gratefully, I found that the shift runs 9 p.m. to 7 a.m., so if I arrive at 10:00 and leave by 6:00, I should be good and not bother anybody. Of course, even though there aren’t any no parking signs in the parking lot, certainly people can still tell me that I can’t park there, but I’ll wait for that to happen.
Not wanting to stay in the parking lot there, I headed over, as planned, to the Walmart supercenter that’s just a few blocks away, parking on the far side of the parking lot, and taking my planned nap.
Something that was not planned, was napping for something like 5 hours.
😅
I guess I was tired. 🙃
That led me to feeling pretty groggy, but after waking up, I drove over to the FedEx store and shipped back my Bluetti portable power station (nice to finally get that off my to-do list).
From there, I’ve oscillated between going to the Bentonville library and going to Wendy’s, ultimately deciding, since Wendy’s was just a block away, to park my little butt at Wendy’s and continue working on my taxes.
I was slow to eat my food because I was so focused on my tax work, eventually throwing away some of it because it was cold and because I was starting to get tired of eating the same thing every time I went.
But I made some pretty decent progress on my taxes. I also, gratefully, figured out how to solve the issue with my voice recognition. It’s been frustratingly bad on my new phone, but I did some googling and found that there’s a particular setting that you can turn off that will solve the issue, so I turned the setting off, and so far, it’s been so much better.
🥳
From Wendy’s, I headed over to Pea Ridge to meet my mom to take her out to eat for her birthday. I didn’t do really anything for her on her birthday, which I feel pretty crappy about, especially since it was the big 80.
I should have thought about it. I should have done something super special.
But I was so wrapped up in my own pain and struggle that I couldn’t get out of my own way to be able to share my love with my mom the way my heart wants to.
😕
Chatted with my mom about a number of things, including the high likelihood that we won’t be going on another “great western road trip” this year. We might not do the genealogy road trip either.
I guess we’ll see how things go.
From there, I headed over to the neighborhood market that’s just a block or two away, bought some groceries, and climbed on to my bed in Rover and spent the next two plus hours on the phone chatting with one of my brothers.
It was a really deep conversation about life and religion and challenges.
The conversation had a pretty deep impact on me.
One of my sisters had called me while I was on the phone with my brother, so when I finish chatting with my brother, I called my sister, and we chatted for an hour or so.
Good stuff.
Since I was already so close to Haven hill, I figured that instead of going to a place where I would be somewhat concerned about being kicked out for the night, I just headed over to the lower pastor where I spent months living before.
Crazy to think that I’ve been living in Rover for the last 7 plus months now. 🙃
Honestly, I don’t mind at all. Certainly, there are things that are less convenient, but I don’t really need much.
The conversation with my brother had me thinking about a lot of important things in my life and I’m life in general, and it sparked something in me, it lit a little flame where I’d only had a tiny glowing ember.
The conversation pulled me, at least a little bit, out of my self-centered gloom and rekindled a measure of determination to return to a life true to my deepest desires, true to what I still believe deep down, even if those beliefs be fragile.
Here’s hoping I can hang on this time.
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 