(written on the 21st)
It was a short night’s sleep last night–not getting to bed I think until maybe around 3:00? and then getting up at like 6:30ish for the drive up to Kansas City for the Big 12 Tournament.
I loaded some bedding into Jim’s car on the off chance I might get some sleep during the drive, but that definitely wasn’t happening. 🙃
We snacked and talked pretty much the entire drive up, talking current events, politics, technology, all sorts of stuff.
The seats turned out to be good seats, even though they were way high up. I had been worried that maybe our view was going to be obstructed by a railing, because the example picture they gave for those seats had a railing in the way, but fortunately, that was not actually the case.
The BYU-Iowa State game was a nail biter, just like the last one, and just like the last one, BYU managed to pull it out right at the very end.
🥳
Great game.
We stayed to watch the Houston Colorado game, which gave us a little bit of confidence going into BYU having to play Houston again. They torched us by 31 points last time we played them earlier this season, but they looked very beatable against Colorado.
🤞
The drive home was much the same, lots of talking about politics and government and some religious stuff as well. Landon and I had a fairly healthy debate because we have some differing perspectives on the role of government. I’m a pretty staunch libertarian (live and let live, but don’t force your stuff on me and mine, kind of thinking, and very anti taxation, with heavy constitutional originalist leanings and strong conservative personal values.
Landon and I agree on most things, but he is much more in favor of taxes and social programs than I am.
I think Bastiat is a good one to look to if you’re wanting to understand my view on taxes.
And that’s where our differences were greatest. To me, the principles are the foundation, and exceptions to the principles, even if they make life easier for some people in some ways, are not acceptable. If the principal is true, then it’s true. In my view, you don’t make exceptions to principles because it makes things easier for you. And if true exceptions to principles exist, then we haven’t found the foundational principle.
Anyway, my brain doesn’t work anywhere near as well as it used to, so I have trouble verbalizing what I think nowadays. Words to describe what I’m thinking don’t come to mind, and I fight to try and express myself.
It’s pretty discouraging.
I wonder if the experience I have now is similar to what people in the beginning stages of dementia go through when they recognize that they’re starting to lose themselves but are lucid enough to have an accurate picture of what’s going on.
I remember having a quick mind. I remember having thoughts and abstract ideas flood my mind. I remember being able to articulate them without even needing to stop to pause to think because the ideas were so fleshed out in my mind so quickly and my brain made the connections so fast that sometimes the thoughts were out of my mouth before I had even had a chance to process them.
It sounds funny, but my brain used to move at such a speed that that the words were out of my mouth at pretty much exactly the same time that the thought came into my mind.
Abstract thinking was easy. Complex reasoning a cinch.
Not anymore. I actually feel dumb. I can’t think abstractly except in rare instances when my brain somehow blows away the fog and for brief moments here and there, and only when really excited and passionate, can I access the abilities I had long ago.
Slow to learn. Terrible at remembering. Abysmal at expressing my thoughts.
What a change…
Anyway, it was an interesting drive home because I have such strong values and principles but I’m no longer able to express myself and explain and reason. I just fumble all over myself.
I’m hoping there’s a way to solve that. I’m hoping this isn’t real cognitive decline but maybe just decades of emotional overwhelm, as my mom thinks it is.
🤞
I still live in that state of emotional overwhelm. Barely able to function each day. Not very useful to anybody other than being able to do physical labor, but much less capable in that than I used to be.
Anyway, we stopped off at and all you can eat Chinese place on the way back, grabbed dinner, and kept talking on the way home / listening to stuff.
Gratitude:
- Grateful that we were able to drive safely.
- Grateful it was an entertaining game.
- Grateful for Zach who went over and put out the fire that was still burning and smoldering on an old dead tree next to neighbor Joe’s mailbox.
- Grateful to be able to be around my Arkansas family. Wish my blood family were closer to one another, both physically and otherwise.
- Grateful for spring.
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 