(written on the 14th)
There’s not much to say about today. I woke up after spending the night at the Maverick on State Rd in Pleasant Grove. Then I headed over to the Walmart parking lot that’s down the street a bit to try to sleep a little longer.
Wasn’t really very successful.
I think I bought some things at the Walmart?
Spent pretty much the whole day after that at Discovery Park, part of the time cleaning out Rover a bit, most of the time just wasting time on my phone.
Apologized to my brother and new sister-in-law for sharing stories of me being a bad example in front of her kids. Gratefully, they said that it wasn’t even a thing at all to worry about, so that was nice. 😊
Started making a list of songs I want to learn on my guitar.
Fighting the slide into the darkness. On the edge of making a big spiritual step.
Almost ready to let go of my anger toward God, humble myself, and attempt to trust again.
That’s very scary to me, but I miss God, and I miss the Spirit, and I miss the light and that conduit of knowledge.
I’m afraid to try again and fail.
I’m afraid to hope and be let down.
My hope tends to be centered on a particular outcome, and as long as it is, I’m likely to struggle and fear and fall back into pain and anger and resentment toward God.
Anyway, wasn’t quite sure where to spend the night tonight, but I ended up parking next to the Pleasant Grove AutoZone in their parking lot because it looks like the apartments next door spill their parking over into the AutoZone parking lot, so I figured I would sort of blend in, planning to leave the parking lot before AutoZone opens.
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to be able to choose to be where I want to be
- I’m grateful that I was able to get rid of some of the trash that’s been piling up in the van
- Grateful that, though progress is ridiculously slow, I seem to be trending in an upward trajectory
- Grateful that though I didn’t work almost at all this week; in fact, I pretty much gave up on JustAnswer this week, somehow, I got bumped back up a payout level. 😶
Success:
- Can’t really think of any successes today, unfortunately
Improvement:
- Want to stop wasting my life in front of my phone screen
Loves…
Lift the world.
~ stephen
Lift the World 