Rough night. Didn’t sleep well, and I actually had a dream I could remember. Unfortunately, it was quite a sexually explicit dream, which… wasn’t so nice.
I guess I’m grateful that I can’t even remember the last time that I had one of those, but quite interesting to have one of those right after such a glorious spiritual high of the day.
I don’t think I gave in to the temptation in the dream, but I can’t remember for sure anymore.
Definitely was brutal.
I think I woke up somewhere around 6:00 or 6:30 for the last time and drove up to the Bridalveil Falls overlook parking lot to continue napping.
Still dealing with headache and congestion and junk, but today I think I finally switched from thinking it’s sickness to being an allergy.
The kicker was the fact that if I left the van for maybe 10 or 15 minutes my symptoms would start to clear up, but then within like 60 seconds of putting my head just inside the van through the side doors, my nose would start to make that little tickling prickly allergy sensation.
So what on Earth am I allergic to inside Rover?!?!
Hmmm…
I also noticed this morning that I didn’t really feel the spirit at all, and that experience taught me how weak my ability to hold on to what I believe is.
After multiple days in a row of beautiful spiritual experiences, as soon as the feeling of the spirit leaves me, I doubt.
Suddenly it seems reasonable that maybe there isn’t a God. It’s amazing.
How can I be so quick to forget? How is it that I can’t hold on to faith when I have so many experiences as witness and evidence and testimony to me?
It’s mind-boggling.
But it’s also quite instructive.
Since it appears that I’m capable of doubt pretty much as soon as I don’t feel the spirit constantly, that reinforces the feeling that I’ve had but the most important things for me to focus on right now are the reasons why I choose to believe in God regardless of what I’m feeling at any given moment.
I can only imagine what it would have been like for the Savior on the cross when the Savior lost connection with his Father.
In years past, I have asked for faith so strong that I could withstand both any onslaught and the absence of connection with God.
Clearly, I have some work to do. 🙃
Anyway, miracle of miracles, if I didn’t already mention it, I didn’t get demoted this week.
🤔
I think I answered like a grand total of 11 questions this entire last week. How on Earth did I not get demoted?
Every time I think I’m getting an idea for how the pay scale is set up, something happens that just punches holes in my theory.
🤷
Whatever. I didn’t really care if I got demoted… I’m just losing my concern overall about it, so it was a nice surprise to still be in the highest pay scale.
Anyway, I think I probably answered four or five questions today? Certainly not a lot, but at least enough to cover the bills for the day. 🙃
I spent some time trying to pray a little bit. I spent some time listening to gospel centered speeches/addresses, scriptures, etc.
It took a good little while, but eventually, at some point in the day, I started feeling again like the Spirit was more palpably present with me.
So much better. 🙂
Also, recognizing that it appears to be an allergy issue with something inside rover, I decided to take the cooler and little John out to clean out the cooler again and to maybe dry out Little John with the lovely desert Air that we have here in utah.
I was hopeful to get rid of any allergens that way. So I drove up and around to get to the tunnel that goes under the Provo Canyon highway, the tunnel where I built my waterfall / shower way back in 2010.
Unfortunately, there was no water coming down. Not even a trickle. Not even a hint of a trickle.
So I walked up the tunnel to where the destroyed shower was, and I continued walking up the dry creek bed for probably maybe 100 to 150 yards? I’m just making up a number.
Finally, I came to where there was flowing water that disappeared into a pool with nothing flowing beyond the pool.
One thing I guess I’ve learned over the years about extending the distance a creek runs when it disappears into the ground in a particular spot is to break down any dams that allow the pooling of water, and to try to get the stream of water in as narrow a channel as possible.
That reduces the surface area through which the water can be lost, and I think it also increases the power of the water such that it’s more likely to bring down silt and whatnot that can get trapped in the leaking spots along the channel and self seal over time.
Anyway, I went up with my big tree top Apple juice pee bottle (empty) and one of my little trash cans to fill them with water so that I could use them to wash out my cooler.
Yes, I rinsed out the pee bottle. Don’t worry. 🙃
After filling the trash can and the pee bottle with water, my little boy brain took over, and I spent the next probably 2 hours coaxing the creek water from where it was disappearing in that pool of water all the way down to my avalanche-destroyed waterfall/shower.
🙃
During probably close to an hour of that effort, I chatted with my friend Cory who has been having some major spiritual breakthroughs/shifts recently as well.
I’m really grateful for Cory and his strength and desires.
I got the cooler rinsed out and dried out. I think I got Little John dried out at least a little bit. 🙃
More scripture listening. More BYU speech listening. Some gospel related YouTube video content.
Some more working for JA online.
Headed over to hang out with Jared and my new sister-in-law and her kids. I got there about dinner time, and they invited me to join them for dinner, which I did. Her kids are a hoot, and it was fun to hang out with everyone.
Great times. 😊
From their place, I headed to the Planet Fitness in Orem, having not been to the gym to actually work out in a good while, so I did my normal Monday routine, minus one exercise.
I wasn’t quite feeling the last exercise. Not because there was anything wrong with my body–just… didn’t want to. 😅
It’s just after midnight now, and I’m still in the parking lot of the Planet Fitness trying to decide if I’m just going to try and crash in the parking lot here tonight or if I’m going to head to one of my other spots.
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to have a little creek to play in, even if it is right on the side of the highway. 😅 Running water is an absolutely essential component of home. I can be home pretty much anywhere there’s running water and of you without man-made stuff.
- I’m grateful to have figured out that it appears to actually be an allergy issue that’s been giving me congestion issues and headache issues and dry throat issues and all that other stuff. I don’t have a clue what’s causing the allergy because even after cleaning out the cooler, and with the cooler and little John outside the van, I could walk around for 10 minutes and be totally fine, but within like 60 seconds of sticking my head in the side doors, I was still starting to have an allergic reaction. Hopefully I figure it out soon, but at least I know it’s an allergy thing now.
- I’m grateful Planet Fitness has wi-fi, so I could download all the scripture audio back to my phone again without having to use up my high-speed data, as I only have 50 gigs a month.
- I’m grateful that my spiritual rebirth has come with an apparent automatic and significant increase in my ability to resist junk food, wasting time online, bad language, etc. 🥳
- I’m grateful to be able to fill my life with beautiful things just as completely as I have been filling my life with mostly meaningless things.
Success:
- No junk food, even when it was kindly offered today. Wasn’t even a temptation, I don’t think. 🥳
Improvement:
- Organization. With this shift back to a previous framework of living that I’ve followed on and off for a long time, I need to get myself organized, plan things out, and get moving.
Love to all.
Lift the world.
And bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 