Such a beautiful day today. 🥰
I am grateful for God’s gifts of the butter & honey. I’m grateful when he gifts me the opportunity to taste what it’s like to have his heart, even if it’s just to a small degree for a short time.
Last night I let go and walked away from the Spirit, wanting distraction and diversion. Part of it was neural-pathway habituation, I think. Part of it Stephen being weary in well doing. And part of it the natural tendencies of the human condition.
Today, I ran back to the Spirit full speed, and oh, how grateful I am to have a Father who’s an Endless fountain of love and encouragement.
It’s 11:11.
Keep seeing that lately. Seems like every day I’m catching the clock there.
Got up this morning, remembering that it’s fast Sunday. Being sick, I’m not fasting completely, from food, yes, but not water. Need to stay hydrated to help my immune system clear out the junk in my lungs.
At first, I thought that maybe I would go to the church congregation in Lakeport, but instead, I decided to go to the one that I’ve always gone to when I’ve been visiting, the one in clear lake.
It’s a really poor and economically depressed part of town, and the members reflect that hard life, and I wanted to be with them. I don’t know what the other word looked like, but I just like being with people who’ve had hard lives.
And that’s not a very accurate way of putting it. Life can be very hard even for those who are economically advantaged.
Anyway, being fast and testimony meeting, I wondered what it would be like. I wondered if it would be like some places where nobody gets up to share or if it would be one of those places where a whole bunch of people get up at the very beginning, and the people who got up at the very beginning are the only people who end up getting up the whole meeting because there were so many.
It was a beautiful meeting.
Lots of old people bearing testimony. One of my favorite little parts was after this 83-year-old black lady had to shared her testimony, this probably 95-year-old white guy hobbled up to her as she was coming off the stand, and gave her a big hug, before he hobbled up the stand and shared his testimony.
Just warmed the heart. In this day of so much division, it was so beautiful to see the love and the kindness and the tenderness.
After the meeting was over, headed over to a little Park by the lake and talked to my friend Corey for a little while. By the time our conversation started, I was in a really good place. I’d struggled, disappointed with myself for walking away from what my heart wants most to pursue stuff that in my heart and mind just… There’s no place for it. It just doesn’t fit with what I want. It doesn’t fit with my heart.
I’m grateful that despite the strong pull, again from well-developed, but destructive neural pathways, I was able to pull out of giving in to the hammering of the adversary and focus on light and love.
One of the things that I felt inspired to do this morning as I was heading to church, I think it was, was to open up the gospel music app and just listen to beautiful arrangements of hymns by different artists.
The music was so powerful and so quickly helped to bring back that powerful spirit that I cherish. Oh how grateful I am to have been able to come up through the power of the atonement and the strength of my God, push the adversary aside, recognize who I am and what I want, let go of the temporary slip, and Rush headlong into the arms of my savior, excited to choose love again and again and again.
And the result? I get to taste that butter and honey. God is giving me the gift of feeling what it’s like to love with his heart. I doubt I can handle the full effect, so I’m guessing the piece that he’s letting me live with is small in comparison to the whole that one day will be my privilege and honor to experience, as I’m ready. But even this piece, this morsel of butter and honey is…
I’m just so grateful for it. 🙏🥰🙏
Anyway, after heading back to my sister’s place, I hung out with my sister and brother-in-law for a little while, talking, laughing, and joking.
Then it was just my sister and I chatting for a little while before dinner.
Then we all ate some dinner together, my sister fixing spaghetti for us, and Zach emerging from his homework den to eat with us.
And then my sister and I chatted for a good bit more.
Good day. 🥰
After taking some pictures, I bid farewell, and headed back toward Sacramento. I chatted with my brother Richard for a good, long time while I drove and then after I got to the Casino in Brooks, CA.
It’s been really wonderful to have some great life and gospel conversations with him.
It’s been weird lately. The gift of love that Father has been giving me has been the source of both joys and sorrows.
There are connections I long to have but can’t, and there is light and beauty and truth that fills my soul.
This time coming back to God… It’s different. It’s coming back to God because I love God and miss him, not because I hope to finally receive blessings that he’s promised me. This time it’s just… I’ve missed him. I’ve missed the light. I’ve missed the revelation.
And now I’m finding more and more that what I longed for, that Loving heart of god, is indeed what I want. I love being full of love.
I know that right now I’m in the room and a window has opened that allows me to see what I previously could not see. I know that that window will likely close, and I’ll be left with the memory of what I experienced, what I saw.
Then is the hard work of pressing forward to show myself how badly I want not just to have that window open to back up, but to have a door provided so that I can walk out into that world, so that I can receive that heart.
Joy and sorrow, perhaps strange bedfellows, but eternal companions in the heart of love.
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to have had that all out attack from the adversary repelled, as father gave me the strength to focus on love and moving on instead of giving into my tendency to exclaim that all is lost because I slipped.
- I’m grateful for the power of love. As I taste that portion of God’s heart, I watch my concern for what others think of me melt away. My concern is for them and not for myself.
- I’m grateful to have been able to spend a few days with my sister and her family. My family becomes more and more important to me every passing day it seems.
- I’m grateful that Rover just keeps going and going.
- I’m grateful for those who make beautiful gospel music. I don’t think I would be where I am today with that shift that got me back to peace and light today without that beautiful spirit-filled music.
- I’m grateful that I was able to find church clothes to wear today. The clothes that I’ve worn the last two Sundays have been wedged underneath my pillow, so they’re crazy wrinkly, but I was able to make some other clothes work that or even more presentable.
- I’m grateful for the instant patience that has come with my pivot back to Christ. I don’t think I’ve gotten mad at a single thing that’s gone sideways? I think maybe I started to get frustrated once? I might be exaggerating, but the point remains that my ability to withstand things going sideways has increased many fold. I couldn’t get my shaver to work properly with either my inverter or my power station. And then when I checked my inverter, I couldn’t get my inverter to work properly at all. I think there might have been the slightest beginnings of annoyance or frustration just sort of tick onto the scene before I just let it go. It’s so nice. 🙏😊
Success:
- I think I did a pretty good job today of listening when it was best to listen. 🥳
- I’m also doing much better at leaving my phone alone while driving. 🥳
Improvement:
- I probably could have done better at reaching out while I’m at church. The last two times I’ve gone to church, I’ve just quickly left after sacrament meeting.
I love you 🥰
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 