(written on the 9th from notes taken previously)
Two nights in a row with very little sleep. 😅
Sadly, part of that was because I relapsed in porn et al… badly. 😞
Media… movies… TV… such huge triggers for me.
I’ve been slipping pretty good lately. I’ve developed so many bad habits… so many patterns and brain pathways trained for certain things and not trained in others.
Rough late night, in that regard
Gratefully, I was undisturbed on the sleeping side of things, but I didn’t dare stay longer than what I did because there were signs saying that parking was only allowed for 2 hours during specific times of day, and I didn’t want to be there longer during the particular time of day.
Anyway, so I hopped back on the freeway and headed towards San francisco, planning to jump off the highway just before the Golden gate Bridge in order to get on the Pacific Coast Highway heading north.
I got a little turned around with the way Google maps was directing me, so I ended up going back east in order to turn back around and come south, in order to get on the correct road to go toward the PCH.
Eventually, I made it on the road I wanted to be on, and started winding my way through the hills of Marin County. After a little ways, I came to avista point that had a parking lot, trash cans, and a bathroom, and I ended up spending a good little while there cleaning out Rover, cutting and fitting the new aluminum bubble wrap piece to the side window for privacy, and even spending a little time answering work questions online.
🎉
Not much to say about the day. I drove along a beautiful Highway with beautiful vistas, taking pictures here and there I think, working a bit here and there, and just enjoying the scenery.
The rolling Green hills and the ocean reminded me a lot of new zealand. The hills weren’t nearly as bright green, and the ocean wasn’t nearly as turquoise, but the similarities were striking.
I watched the sunset, taking a few pictures here and there. I do enjoy the ocean. I prefer rivers and lakes and mountains to the ocean, but I do enjoy the ocean.
I would definitely enjoy it more if it were fresh water and not salty and… sticky. 🙃
With all the sun damage that my skin has, I also find myself avoiding playing on the beach and in the water.
Amazing, I spent so long working so hard out in the sun without ever really spending much of any time looking in the mirror… for years…
Now that I’m just sort of living and not working hard outdoors from sunup to sundown, I’m just… shocked, especially when I compare my skin to other people’s my age and older, and mine is older than all of theirs, even then people who have 15-20 years on me.
Man I’ve done so many dumb things in my life. It’s amazing that somebody can try so hard all the time and still seemingly mess up just about everything that’s important.
😞
Makes it hard to want to try.
Eventually, I seem to just screw up everything.
😞
The sunset was beautiful.
I do need to find some kind of UV protectant for my windows because otherwise I’m going to fry when the sun gets below a certain point.
Can’t seem to lose any weight, either, even though I’ve stopped eating crap. Of course, all I do all day everyday is just sit in my van, pretty much. Can’t really lose much weight doing that.
Teeth are in bad shape. Probably going to hang out in South Dakota for a little while and go to my sister’s dentist and try and get that all taken care of.
Pretty discouraged.
Just seems like people like me should just call it quits because we’re just going to fail at everything anyway.
Haven’t been doing very well with gospel study and gospel stuff lately. So that’s probably not helping avoid the negative thinking. Nowhere near getting enough sleep, so that’s probably helping pretty significantly as well to keep me down.
Chatted with my mom for a bit.
Wanted to use a bathroom but didn’t want to use Little John, so I kept trying to find a park bathroom or something because I had seen so many before, but every time I stopped at a park, it was one of those that either didn’t have a bathroom or was one where you had to pay a day use fee, they didn’t feel good about using a bathroom without paying a day use fee, but I didn’t want to pay the day use fee. 🙃
The road was super windy, and I wanted to just get to the parking lot that I had found on free campsites.net to sleep in for the night, and because the road was so windy, because of the distance I had to go, it just seemed like it was taking forever and ever and ever to get there.
Finally got to the parking lot, which looks like it’s going to be a great one, assuming nobody kicks me out. 🤞
Dinner and bed.
Gratitude:
- Though I’m low on sleep, I’m grateful that no one has bothered me in any of the places I’ve stopped for the night.
- I’m grateful that I was able to get Rover cleaned out a bit.
- I’m grateful I was able to get the tin foil bubble wrap stuff cut out and fit to the window, so now I have privacy again. And it’s better this time than it was before (at least the cut of the stuff is. The quality of the stuff is trash compared to what the old stuff was. It’s super thin and weak. I hate that we live in a world where just about everything seems to be made of the cheapest possible stuff.
- I’m grateful for beautiful sunsets.
- I’m grateful for beautiful ocean waves, beaches, and Rocky cliffs and outcroppings and whatnot. 😍
- I’m grateful that I’ve still been able to use the last little bit of charge for my power station when I need it
Success:
- I’m continuing my philosophy of trying to leave every place and person better than I found them. Picking up trash regularly when I stop. It’s always nice, for me at least, do not see trash everywhere when I pull up to a place that’s otherwise a beautiful view.
Improvement:
- Have been losing the spirit, quite a bit, actually. Not good.
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 