(written in the wee hours of the morning of the 12th from notes taken previously)
Another night, undisturbed. 🥳
I got there after others had already arrived and set up for the night, and I left before they were up for the morning. I don’t think I got quite 8 hours of sleep, but I think I did pretty well.
As I drove away from the rest area, I figured that since I didn’t really have anywhere to go, and since I’m trying to just live my life wherever it is that I am at the time, I figured I might as well head right back to the same place that I spent all day yesterday and maybe do some work again, trying to earn a little bit of money for the month.
I figure I had better at least make as much money as I’m spending, and between gas and food and stuff for Rover and taking people out to dinner and whatnot, the financial outgo has been pretty significant. 😅
So I worked and worked, and while I worked, I actually pulled out my solar panels and plugged them into my power station. The cable that came with the power station is only like five or six feet long, so I could only set the solar panels up with my side doors open and the panels leaning against the doors, but that was enough to verify that the panels do indeed work and will help to charge up my power station once they are properly installed. It would probably take a good eight hours in sunshine to charge up my power station, possibly even longer than that, but I at least verified that everything will work once set up.
For today, I think I only charged it from 22% to 27%.
I tried to switch sides when the Sun had moved, but my cable wasn’t long enough, and I didn’t want to move my van because cell service depended on which part of the parking lot I was in, and I had found a part of the parking lot where I could rely, decently well, on a cell signal strong enough to be able to work.
Of course, as I write this, it dawns on me that I could have set up my solar panels in a different part of the parking lot and used the panels to run both Starlink and charge my power station at the same time, but I didn’t think about that at the time. 😅
I didn’t spend all day at the beach this time. Yesterday, I had wanted to go visit the Redwood national and State Park area, but I had lingered at the beach until it was too late, parts of the park closing at 5:00, so I wanted to make sure that I got to the parts of the park I wanted to see before 5:00.
Specifically, I was interested in seeing a place called Fern Canyon that looked like it might be absolutely beautiful, so I headed that way.
The road to the parking lot at the Fern Canyon trailhead was really narrow, so there were times when you sort of had to pull off as close to the side of the road as possible, so the other person could drive past you. After presenting my national parks pass at the little Ranger station, the road got even worse, not narrow worse, but the potholes were so bad in some places that it it felt like poor Rover might shake itself apart.
I think my suspension is having some issues, or maybe my sway bar links are completely broken or something. 😅
I’ve got some pretty strong popping noises that happen when I take corners and go over bumps and whatnot. I think I have a vague memory of realizing that I’m missing my sway bar links?
I need to check that out. I forgot about that. I had meant to check that out once I got to a parking lot, but I totally spaced it.
Anyway, once I got to Fern Canyon, I turned on my star link satellite and had a great long conversation with my brother Richard.
Good stuff. Life.
One of the things I talked about was a realization that I had had about how I had managed to go from my spiritual golden years to my spiritual darkness.
During my spiritual golden years, which without thinking too deeply about it, I would place as being 2009 to 2016, I was so close to God that inspiration and Revelation and communication was happening all the time in beautiful an inspiring and exciting ways.
But there came a point in time where it had become so commonplace for me, where I had become so used to the constant connection with God, that not only did I take it for granted, but I started getting annoyed by it.
It’s both shocking to me and completely normal for me to have something like that become what I let it become.
For so much of my life, I have sought after inspiration and guidance from God, longing for it, hoping for it.
And there I was having not only attained what I had always longed for, but being given insight upon insight, having my mind blown again and again, learning things that transformed my whole world in incredibly beautiful ways.
But so commonplace had it become that I grew tired of it. Can you believe that?!?! I was no longer grateful to get whatever message God wanted to give me. I was no longer hungry for it. If God had something to tell me, and it was 11:30 at night, and I was exhausted, instead of being excited to hear what he wanted to tell me, I’d be like, really? Now? I’m exhausted. Can’t we do this in the morning?
😶
I think that was one of the first ways that Satan was able to knock me off that amazing place I was privileged to be during those golden years.
So thoroughly was I taking for granted this incredible gift of this deep connection with God and everything he was trying to give me, that I became selfish, wanting the gifts, but only when and how I wanted them.
In some ways it’s astonishing to look back at. And in other ways, it’s exactly the trap that I would expect to be set for me, exactly the means of diversion from glorious light toward selfish darkness.
Great conversation. It’s been really grateful for the conversations that I’ve had with so many different people lately. My brother richard. My sister Heather. My friend Cory… and more.
After a long talk with my brother, I threw on my water shoes and headed to Fern canyon, which my brother had visited years ago, and which he let me know was one of the filming locations for one of the Jurassic Park movies.
Part of me wishes that I had gone to that part of the park yesterday, because today, being saturday, it was loaded with people.
But that’s okay. The more I’m focusing on the things of the Gospel, the more I’m focusing on my whole purpose and reason for coming to earth, as I see it, learning to love with a perfect love as God does me and all of us, the less I’m being bothered by the crowds and the more I’m feeling love for the people in the crowd. They still enjoy the privacy, but when my heart is full of love, there’s less need for the privacy.
Interesting that.
And what a beautiful Canyon. 50 ft walls of dirt and Pebble compacted together. Not Rocky walls. Walls that would crumble away if you tried to climb them.
And ferns growing all the way up the sides. It was like a slot Canyon of sorts with bright green Fern covered walls, in many places dripping water down as though in a tropical jungle.
It was so beautiful. So beautiful.
😊
When the main trail began to loop around up the canyon side, I continued following the creek north. It’s basically a water hike. Without water shoes, your tennis shoes are just going to get soaked because it’s not really reasonable to do the hike without going through the little creek/river itself.
Anyway, so I continued East following the creek. Clearly, others had gone that way as well, as I could see a path through the undergrowth. One of the plants looked a little suspicious to me, and I was concerned that it might be of the poison ivy family variety, so I didn’t go too far, as I was going to have to brush up against that plant again and again and again.
I did however find a spot that was deep enough for me to take a little sit in. 🙃
So i, long pants, long-sleeved shirt, etc, sat my little butt down in the creek and rinsed myself off–basically taking a non-soap bath. 🙃
The water was very cold. 🧊
But that’s not much different than I’m used to. I used to shower and snow melt, so it is what it is, and it is refreshing. 🙂
And good for the circulation, I think.
And good for the mental health.
Cold showers, baby. 😎
Er… baths. 🙃
After my cold water plunge, I waited for a little while for the pants and shirt to drip enough water out that they were no longer clinging to me like yoga pants. Don’t think people would have been so keen on seeing a man walking through the Fern Canyon in yoga pants. 😆
Rear end started chafing on the walk back. Hate that.
Upon getting back to my van, I used the bathroom, took off my pants and shirt and toss them up on my dashboard to dry off with the defrost blowing heat on them, as I drove away from the parking lot and back to the main Highway.
Once back on the main highway, I took a detour through the main section of the redwoods national / state parks area–giant redwood trees everywhere.
I just stand in awe at the sheer size of those trees. They’re just incredible.
I went to a little place called big tree, where they’ve got a tree that’s almost 24 ft in diameter.
😶
And nearly 300 ft tall.
Standing at the base of that tree, and others like it, in this Forest of absolutely massive trees. The feeling is one of awe and wonder. The scale is so beyond what’s normal for me that it just… wow. My powers of description are incapable, at least at the present moment, of adequately presenting the scene, both visual, and in my heart.
A little further down the road, I walked a little trail to a tree they call the corkscrew tree, which is actually like four or five redwood trees that all started growing right next to each other, and it basically morphed into one huge trunk, with the main section twisting around in a corkscrew shape, the other trees growing alongside it, one winding I think through it.
What an incredible place! I would say unique, but I’ve also been to the Sequoia groves which are similar. But despite the fact that I have been in groves like that before, the awe and wonder is still, not overwhelming, but moving. There’s just something about being in such a magical place that changes how I feel. Just… That sense of awe.
I wish I had better command of the English language, or more cranial capacity in this moment to describe everything. But now I’m just repeating myself. 🙃
And privileged to have been able to be there. I wish I had someone I love with me to share it with. I long most for a companion, a partner to share everything with, but even a family member or a good friend would be better than no one.
How can I see all these glories of nature and not long to share them with people I love?
I can’t. I do long to share them. 🙃
It was growing dark by the time I’m finished driving through the park, so I finally pointed rover’s nose North, heading to crescent City and the Walmart there.
Being low on gas, I stopped at the local casino and bought a few gallons of gas at something like $3.80 a gallon, just enough gas to get me to the next Casino where the price was $3.61. I had about 30 gallons to fill, so I might as well save six bucks.
After getting gas, I headed over to the walmart, and I walked the aisles slowly, again and again and again, trying to decide what to buy. Gratefully, though tempted to buy junk, I didn’t.
I bought cuties, or at least the generic version of them, and sauerkraut and bananas and a pineapple and some chips and salsa and yogurt and whatever else, but no junk.
Welcome I guess you could say maybe chips were junk, but they’re just corn chips for salsa with a hint of lime, or something like that. Probably borderline. I bought the mostly because I have a half a bag left of chips from the last time, and I figured I would finish that half a bag off, but I would need more chips to finish the salsa off.
🙃
I don’t like wasting food.
Still not yet recovered from my binging into addiction stuff, though gratefully not back into the yucky stuff, I jumped on the Prime Video app and watched the movie Passengers. Love the movie, though I wish it ended differently. I’m not one who likes to finish the story in my mind. I like to have them finish the story, to bring closure to it, and you don’t get to see them living out their lives. You just see the beginning of it and then the glorious end after they’re gone.
But I want to see the middle. 🙃
I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to see their lives together and the beauties that they experienced together.
Anyway, I got gas again at the cheaper gas station, filling all the way up. Despite it being cheaper, it was still over $100 for the fill up. 🙃
Interestingly, if you don’t count the two awful fill ups where I was dealing with a plugged catalytic converter, I’m averaging exactly the same gas mileage that I did on my road trip with my mom last year (14.3 mpg).
I listen to an elder Holland BYU speech before going to bed. I also had a realization… The reason I keep slipping back into the things I keep slipping back into is that I’m working so hard to be someone I’m not.
I don’t mean that in a bad way.
I’m trying to be someone who loves everyone all the time, someone who is gentle and patient, come what may.
But that’s not me yet. So I work and work and work, but sometimes I get tired of the effort that it takes to let go of selfishness and embrace love and all things, and I just want to do what I want to do, the selfish things, so I do for a little bit.
But those little selfish things that I do… Even if some of them aren’t inherently bad, they aren’t what I want most. I want to find so much fulfillment and joy in loving and serving other people that it’s what I long to do all the time. I want those other things that occupy my time to melt away. I’ve had the gift given to me of loving with a portion of God’s heart, and I long for that. What an incredibly amazing experience that was for me. I want to have that heart permanently. But it’s going to take some time, and that’s okay. One day at a time. No stress. No anxiety. No pressure. Just consistent, deliberate, focused, hungry effort, and one day, the temporary gift will become a permanent gift.
And however long and hard the road to that point, it will be worth it, because nothing I felt feels better than having the love of God fill my heart.
After getting gas, I pointed rover’s nose North again, crossed into Oregon for the first time on this trip, and rolled my way into the hills East of Brookings. Freecampsites.net mentioned the forest service people allowing you to camp up there for 2 weeks, so I found a little pull off near where the people had posted online that they had stayed, and I called it a night, listening to some Elder Holland speeches that I had downloaded earlier before crashing.
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful that I’ve been getting a better night’s sleep the last little bit.
- I’m grateful that I was able to get some work done today.
- I’m grateful that I’ve been able to work past these hiccups in my efforts to love, let them go and move on.
- I’m grateful for the absolutely beautiful world I get to enjoy. I know I’ve mentioned that multiple times, but some places on this Earth are just magical. 😊
- I’m grateful I had the discipline to stay away from buying junk at Walmart today.
- I’m grateful that the weather is a lot cooler up here than it was down in Sacramento and surrounding areas of the Central Valley.
- I’m grateful to have this place to stay tonight and that I’ve been able to stay the night at so many places undisturbed. Very grateful for freecampsites.net.
Success:
- Definitely been a success putting my stumbles behind me so much quicker, as I begin to let go of my concerns of the things that I want to stop doing and spend more time focusing on the love in my heart that I’m trying to nurture and let God expand.
Improvement:
- Among my slipping, was slipping back into using my phone a bit while driving. Not anywhere near as badly as before, but if I don’t nip it in the bud, I very well could go all the way back there, and I really do want to be a safe driver and obey the laws of the land.
Love and hugs!
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 