Feeling a bit… I don’t know the right words… quite unsettled.
I’ve been feeling great until about an hour ago. It’s a quarter after midnight… and I’m going to write this journal entry instead of putting it off until tomorrow.
We’ll call that a victory, as I don’t want to write this right now.
Started off the morning while. I actually slept decently well last night. I didn’t get up until 8:30 ish. 🥳
I started taking the rocks and cardboard off my roof that I had used to protect my solar panels and whatnot against the potential of large hail. I ended up being unable to reach all the rocks and had to climb up onto the roof itself. Not sure how I managed to get all the rocks where they are when I couldn’t get them back off. I guess maybe I just pushed them after setting them down.
Headed over to Cascade Falls for my Sunday morning bath 😁 🛀 — cutting my hair in the parking lot before hopping in the water. There’s this perfect little spot that’s about chest deep if you’re sitting down, and not much bigger than I am, but has rushing water coming right in on you, with plants on three sides, keeping you somewhat out of view (I do wear shorts, mind you, so it’s not like I’m in danger of giving somebody a free show 🙃, but still, it’s nice to have a little bit of privacy).
Went to church again at my sister and brother-in-law’s branch, the branch president after church asking how long I was going to be visiting, hoping to maybe give me a temporary calling to teach the youth.
I’d love that, honestly. Teaching is one of my favorite things in the whole world, but I don’t know how long I’m going to be here at all, so I would hate to accept and then be heading off somewhere.
Still, if he doesn’t mind significant uncertainty, then I’m happy to substitute. 😊
I miss teaching, especially youth. Such a wonderful age group to teach.
The small little Branch had a little potluck lunch together after church, so I chatted with a few of the branch members as we ate. Good stuff. 😊
After church, Hans and I headed over to the VA hospital to administer the sacrament to a brother in the branch who had a stroke and isn’t really able to take care of himself.
He was super appreciative, and it was humbling both to see his physical circumstances as well as his gratitude and sincere appreciation for our coming.
Back on the ranch, Heather made us smoothies, and I munched on the Hershey’s bar that they gave out to all the dads, non-dad men. 🙃
I think I’ve pretty well accepted that that ship has sailed for me, at least on earth, though, who knows.
Chatted with Heather and Hans most of the rest of the night, though Hans napped for a bit. We talked, laughed, joked, and enjoyed each other’s company.
Good stuff 🥰
Went outside and plotted where to plant Heather’s new apple trees. Pretty cool storm was rolling through. Gnarly storm clouds. Strong wind.
I love powerful weather. 😊
Ate dinner, Heather making more wonderful food, chatted some more. I got Hans some new marshmallow headphones, and we tested those out, so he can use them while working. They have a phone mic, so the calls will come in through the same headphones, and the phone will just pause whatever he was listening to.
Headed out to my van and had a lovely, uplifting gospel conversation with Cory. That was super nice. I’ve noticed that in the last few days I think my body is wondering why I haven’t partaken of my porn addiction. 🙃 It’s like, dude, did you forget about me and what I want?
I’ve noticed the physical pull a fair bit more just in these last few days.
And I’ve also been spiritually off the last few days as well. I suppose maybe they’re connected, but I also know the body has physical desires by design, so, I didn’t necessarily equate the recent uptick in the prominence of the physical to the dip in spiritually.
Not gonna worry about it any connection or lack of connection. I want to regain the spiritual connection either way, and the body will feel what it feels… and whatever that is will be fine.
So the spiritually uplifting conversation was nice, as I’ve not been feeling filled spiritually. 😊
Unfortunately, after that, I had a very… not uplifting conversation that left me, what word did I use? Unsettled. And that’s an understatement. To pretty much exactly the opposite degree that I felt the spirit in my conversation with Cory, it was like the spirit just fled from the other one.
Yuck. Just…. not a good feeling at all. 😞
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful to have clippers and to be able to cut my own hair.
- I’m grateful to have the physical capacity to enjoy Cascade Falls.
- I’m grateful for the time I get to spend with Heather and Hans.
- I’m grateful to have been able to go and serve the gentleman at the VA hospital.
- I’m grateful for the Spirit, and I hate it when I lose it, as I did in that last conversation of the night.
- I’m grateful for my friend Cory. His friendship means so much to me.
Success:
- I stayed writing this journal entry when I wanted to go to sleep.
Improvement:
- I would like to go through a conversation like the last one of the day and not stumble because of the communication style and approach of the other person that, for me, makes it really easy to feel like everything I say is wrong. and that my perspectives are demeaned, dismissed, etc., when that wasn’t the other person’s intention. I’m…. not there yet.
Love and hugs.
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 