I headed out pretty early this morning, wanting to spend some time pondering and preparing for what I wanted to share in Sacrament Meeting today.
I had intended to get up earlier than I did, but I was tired, and when my alarm went off, I think I bumped it out multiple times. 🙃
I think it was probably around 7:00 when I finally headed out?
I’ve taken, lately, to going to JH Keith Park instead of Cascade Falls just because it’s much more likely that I will find the solitude that I hope for when I want to just think, ponder… bathe 🙃.
I was feeling less sure about what I wanted to share. Everything had come together so quickly and easily on Friday night, but… I wondered if I might be a little off base, so I wanted to go back through everything.
At first, I was distracted because someone had left a mess in the Pavilion next to where the Springs bubble out into the two little pools.
So I spent some time cleaning up gooey marshmallows and chocolate and wrappers… 😕
I really don’t like trash in my happy places… well… anywhere.
Maybe there was some kind of emergency and they left in a rush and forgot.
I want to be less assuming and more willing to give the benefit of the doubt.
Anyway, I prayed and pondered and felt like there were some adjustments to be made, so I started making those.
One after the other. 🙃
By the time it was time to get dressed and drive into town to go to church, I wasn’t sure if I really had anything solid at all. 😅
I kept adding and changing, and I was starting to get nervous. I felt a lot like I’ve felt in the past when I’ve been unprepared… and things didn’t turn out well. 😅
But I had given a worthy effort to be prepared, so I did my best to just let go and let the outcome be in the Lord’s hands.
Still, I ended up making adjustments pretty much right up to the point that I was walking to the stand to share the message–having a decent outline, but not exactly sure what I was going to do with it.
I actually recorded myself, not sure why or if that’s even acceptable, but as I was preparing Friday night, I felt like I got a nudge from the Spirit to do that… so I did.
Gratefully, I felt like I was able to share with the Spirit, and I think I was mostly, if not completely, able to keep my ego out of it, and I’m… really grateful.
One of my favorite experiences to have is that of speaking with the Spirit. I feel like a conduit of the Lord, the message flowing from me but… not me.
I’m really grateful to be in a place where, more than anything, I just want to follow the Lord.
Gratefully, and not surprisingly, I felt like the Lord just let it flow out of me, for the most part. I think there were only moments, maybe one or two, where I felt like the conduit of the Spirit weakened or got interrupted, or something.
Still, I’m nervous to listen the recording. 🙃 I thought about listening to it earlier today, but I was just… What is that that feeling of kind of being embarrassed or the precursor to being embarrassed? 😅 I did finally start listening to it, maybe the first minute and a half before turning it off, feeling… a little embarrassed and nervous that it wasn’t going to be very good.
But the Spirit was there, at least for me, so it doesn’t matter if my presentation was unpolished in some or many ways.
During priesthood meeting today, now that I’m an official member of the branch, instead of sitting back and just being the visitor, which is so easy for me to do, I started working toward getting to know the other members of the quorum. I think I have everyone’s names memorized, at least those who were there today in elders quorum.
After church, I got myself some lunch, messaged a gazillion people, wanting to keep up my connections with family and friends all over, and then headed out to visit some people from the branch who are going through some rough patches.
One elderly couple had some pretty significant issues with their roof, so bad that during one of the recent storms, the water was just pouring into their kitchen, not just dripping.
Fortunately, it looks like we are going to be able to get it taken care of fairly soon, so that’s wonderful. 😊
After that, we headed over to another couple, the wife having a pretty significant issue with her leg, a sore so big that there are concerns she might need to have an amputation. 😬
When we got there, we were greeted by four dogs, one of whom decided I wasn’t welcome, and while I did my customary turnaround to let dogs come and smell me if they’re nervous about me, one of them decided instead of smelling me to try and take a chunk out of me, giving me a pretty good bite on my right thigh.
I think I was surprised more than hurt. I definitely had what looked like two quick-bruising and bleeding scalloped gashes. They weren’t too deep, but they started burning a bit after the initial bite pain faded.
Fortunately, they had a first-aid kit, so I poured peroxide all over it, and cleaned it out, and then put some antibiotic ointment on it and taped a gauze pad over it.
Seems to be fine now.
After that, we headed back to the property, and I hung out with Heather and Hans a bit just chatting and whatnot. Ate a little bit of dinner, chatting back and forth with lots of friends and family, and now here I am.
Gratitude:
- I’m grateful that the bite wasn’t worse and doesn’t seem to be getting any sort of infection and that the sister said that all the dogs are up to date on their rabies shots. 🙃
- I no I wrote this already, but it feels really good to be in this place where I just want the Lord’s typically, when I have these experiences, I get to enjoy what it’s like for a little while, like a gift, like that window in the analogy that I’ve given before, seeing out to something that I don’t get to live in, but I get to experience it to some degree before the window closes, and I operate off of a memory of what it was like. So I don’t know if this is going to last, or if this is just me getting a glimpse of what it’s like, and there’s a lot more work to do before I can live in this perspective permanently.
- I’m grateful to be able to connect with family and friends. I’m grateful for electronic communication that makes it so easy even at such great distances.
- I’m grateful for my little StarLink Internet satellite dish that allows me to have connection all the time if I want it.
- I’m grateful the really big beefy trash bag swallowing up Little John has made a pretty decent difference both in the number of flies, as well as in completely getting rid of any smell at all when driving down the road with the windows open. It used to be that I could catch a little whiffs, but with that beast of a trash bag swallowing up Little John, good to go… in multiple ways. 🙃
Success:
- I gave my sincere and worthy effort today.
- I worked hard to let go outcomes and to just rely on the Lord today.
Improvement:
- I could have been more present with the first people we visited. I had already been reaching out to people, so I was getting lots of messages back, so periodically, while we were all talking, I sent some messages. It probably would have been better to just put my phone in my pocket.
Thought of the Day:
I went before [God] and said, “I’m not neutral, and you can do with me what you want. If you need my vote, it’s there. I don’t care what you do with me, and you don’t have to take anything from me, because I give it to you—everything, all I own, all I am.”
~ Boyd K. Packer
Hand of God In My Life Today:
I guess I already mentioned it, but I felt the spirit with me while sharing the message that I shared today. It felt like it just flowed, for the most part.
I miss teaching. I’m feeling a bit of a pull back to education stuff, maybe not just the book… maybe more.
I guess we’ll see. I seek the Lord’s will, and I’ll be grateful for whatever direction he sends me, though I think I already know the direction… I just… haven’t followed it as I could have.
I think that direction is still there, still my path. I want to step back and be still and let go of the anxiety I allow myself to feel wanting to come in and lift burdens everywhere I look.
I can’t do it all. I’m not meant to do it all.
I have my path to walk, my part to play, and that’s what I can’t here to do.
🤍
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 