(written on the 23rd)
Let’s see… not a very effective day today at all.
And it started out a bit rough. I had made a comment the other day on an anti-mormon video in my feed that was, to me, significantly disrespectful, inaccurate in places, and mocking. I felt like my comment was direct but tasteful: “I’m sad that you would mock something that is sacred to others.”
Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent it. I certainly could have chosen a better approach, as what should I expect as a reaction to my comment? It was an expression of feeling, but it could have been much more constructive.
And certainly, I should have been ready for backlash, but I didn’t think much about it until this morning, when another commenter (not the rather famous video creator herself) ripped me as a brainwashed cult member.
I tried to engage respectfully, apologizing to her for any negative experiences she might have had with the Church or its members. She softened a smidge from her attack against me personally, though still quite judgemental; and I thanked her for her concern for me (despite it coming in phrases like “they really messed you up.”)
I shared part of my own experience and journey, but that just brought out the cannons again. Brainwashed. Incapable of thinking critically… The underlying assumption being that the only reason a person could be a believing member of that cult is that they’re brainwashed and incapable of critical thinking.
Seeing that even my kind responses were met with mockery/insults/judgement, I simply wished her well.
But inside it wasn’t so simple. I’m very affected by what people say and think about me, and I’m… impressionable? If someone accuses me of something, I’m likely to examine that accusation for any validity. If someone attacks what I believe, I’m likely to look at their reasons and explore my own beliefs again.
I think that can be constructive, but there’s some fear response in that as well. Fear of not being liked. Fear of being wrong and what that might mean, and I re-examine.
So I’ve been… down today a bit, still some demoralization leftovers from the work demotion that feels so unjust and that I feel relatively helpless about, and that I let sap my spirit… and then down even more after the attack by that woman online.
I’m likely to get a lot more of that treatment in the future as I step out of anonymity, and I want to be able to handle those circumstances with patience and love for the other person and without concern for myself and without letting it drag my spirits down.
It’ll take practice, I’m sure.
…
Chatted with New Zealand immigration about my visa and what my options were. The officer basically said I had three choices: 1. File a complaint, and request that they take another look at my application and reconsider my 6-month request (he said the word complaint sounds harsher than they think of it as). 2. Go to New Zealand using the ticket that I had reserved already, prove I have enough money for travel out of New Zealand, and then apply for a visa extension after being in the country for a couple of months. 3. Buy a ticket to Australia, or the Cook Islands, or another country, go through customs in that country, and then come back to New Zealand, and I’d be able to stay for another three months.
I don’t want any change I’d be seen as a thorn/irritant, so I’ll likely try #2 and be ready to do #3. There’s a good chance that I’ll take a little trip to Australia, maybe Tasmania for a few days or a week before heading back to New Zealand.
I also spent some time on JustAnswer.com expressing my frustration and risking my job, as I complained about the huge lack of transparency and how they judge us and our pay levels, and expressing my frustration that given that our pay levels are determined significantly, if not mostly, by our customer service reviews, that it’s not fair for us to be dealing with customers who are already angry because of JustAnswer’s deceptive billing practices.
Probably not all that smart. Might well have been demoted for the comments I made last week about a frustrating issue with JA.
Who knows.
I haven’t answered a single new question since getting demoted. It’s just demoralizing. Hard to want to try when the target is seemingly moving, and you don’t know what it even is anyway, and then you’re working just as hard for 25% less.
Hard to reignite motivation.
Had a very uplifting gospel conversation with Hans, that was… timely.
Had another conversation with Heather, that was good.
Haven’t bought my ticket to New Zealand. Still afraid I might be wrong/have misunderstood.
Don’t want to make a mistake.
Reservation expires Saturday.
Gratitude to My Father:
- Grateful I was able to keep every reply to the lady today kind and constructive despite her treatment of me.
- Grateful for the conversation with Hans.
- Grateful for the conversation with Heather.
- Grateful to the New Zealand guy for helping me understand my options.
- Grateful that, though I had this negative reaction this thinking about going to New Zealand (like an internal thing), that I felt more like it was a fear response and not a God response. In the past, I feel like that’s one way Satan has gotten to me is to somewhat mimic God’s “no” messages, and then I get all confused and discouraged and frustrated and then get paralyzed. I feel like I was able to discern today that the feeling was not from God, so though I have my concerns about New Zealand, I’m proceeding with the original nudges I felt I received from God.
We. Celebrate. Successes!!! 🥳:
- Stayed grounded and kind while being attacked.
Reflections on Where I Can Improve:
- More constructive comments if I comment on negative content again.
Thought of the Day:
Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.
~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Hand of God In My Life Today:
Felt the Spirit in my conversation with Hans, and it was such a needed light in a dim place today.
Onward.
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 