It’s been… a rough one today.
Really really uncomfortable blessings.
I started going through my business files on my main drive because I’ve got to get my taxes finished, and I found that a very large number of my files are missing.
Gone.
Disappeared.
It’s like someone went in and just randomly deleted stuff all over.
I have entire parent folders missing, along with all their sub folders.
I have parent folders that are still there, and their sub folders are there, but all the files in the sub folders are missing.
I have parent folders with some sub folders present and some missing.
I have sub folders with some individual files missing and others still there.
It’s like a program went through and grabbed random stuff and just… deleted it.
Receipts that I spent weeks of long days scanning… The entire year of 2020 is gone… just… gone.
Account statements… years completely missing. Months missing.
And what other files might be gone? My China pictures are MIA. The folder is there. The files are all missing.
I hope I have them somewhere else. That was the whole point of what I was doing in June that I didn’t finish. Consolidate. Copy. Backup all files in multiple places.
This is the second time I’ve lost massive amounts of info data.
Back in… 2012? I lost something like 2ish years of journals.
I’ve spent my entire day on this.
I’ve tried software recovery programs. The main drive I took everything from hasn’t been overwritten with anything, but the files aren’t there after running the recovery software. I’m still crossing my fingers that maybe somehow they’re actually there, but it’s been a really discouraging and demoralizing day.
As you know, one of the most challenging kinds of circumstances for me personally comes when I perceive precious time being wasted on minutia.
And here we are. If I can’t get those files recovered… all the hard copies have been destroyed.
I’m struggling.
I feel like my life has mostly been a waste, and every time I see more of it wasted, it’s just a reminder of my massive failures in so many of the areas that mattered most.
Rough day.
😞
Which brings me to gratitude… 😕
Here we go…
Gratitude to My Father:
- I’m grateful for hard experiences to practice being who I want to be.
- I’m grateful for my brother Richard’s help in my efforts today.
- I’m grateful that at least most of my pictures seem to still be there. Hopefully, I’ll find copies of them all.
- I’m grateful the tennis balls came today, so I can throw the ball for Zora. She loves to play even more than she loves food. 😊
- I’m grateful that another hard drive is going to be here tomorrow.
We. Celebrate. Successes!!! 🥳:
- I managed to hold it together for… hours, I think before finally crumbling into an emotional heep.
- I didn’t swear. I didn’t lose my temper. I just crumbled, mostly.
Reflections on Where I Can Improve:
- “Come what may, and love it.” I’m giving a worthy effort. If God needed it to be different, it would have been. So I let go, reflect on what I can learn from it, and move forward, excited for these opportunities to really practice choosing how I want to be through the hard times. That’s the goal. Far from living in peace through these things, but my reactions are at least somewhat better.
Thought of the Day:
I bear witness that the refiner’s fire will bring forth a new and better person.
~ Jeffrey R. Holland
And so I keep pushing onward, because the goal is not to do: It’s to become.
The interesting thing is that the becoming happens through the doing. 🙃
It’s a matter of perspective: Becoming is the goal and the doing gets me there.
Via the grace of God and the Savior’s gift of an infinite atonement.
I’m tired.
Lift the world.
Bring it on… 😅
~ stephen
Lift the World 