(written on the 29th from notes taken previously)
Rough night last night. Going to the temple was about the only thing holding me together, but I cracked last night. I didn’t go to bed…
And I relapsed.
Badly.
4+ months I had clean. Hard to put the stumble into perspective when I want so badly to be clean, but I actually did really well at it, amazingly. I was able to let it go relatively quickly and move on.
Having not gotten any sleep, I finally tried to sleep a little after the sun came up. I moved the van under the shade of the tree and tried to sleep a little, but I didn’t get much of any real sleep.
I did my laundry, thanks to my mom and Thomas letting me use the washer and dryer.
Both were gone, out on errands and previous commitments, by the time I was up and doing laundry.
Changed the oil in my mom’s Juke. Picked up a whole bunch of broken pieces of glass that I found in the dirt under the huge tree.
Macgyvered the dehumidifier drain set up so that it would drain without clogging. It has both a reservoir and a hose, and you’re supposed to be able to have it just drain right out the hose and into the drain of the basement, but it just clogs up and fills the reservoir and then turns off the dehumidifier, so you have to empty the reservoir a couple of times a day, which… I don’t want my mom living in that house because of the need to go down super steep stairs to the basement, let alone having to go down twice a day more than she otherwise would just to drain the dehumidifier reservoir.
Also fixed her dresser drawer. It’s been on my list of things to do since before I left Arkansas, so I was able to get it done, to at least the point of being functional, today, so that was good.
Took my mom on a little tour of everything I had done when she got back, and I cleaned up all my stuff, packed it up, and headed out.
First stop was to the bank to see what it would take to get a sufficient number of New Zealand dollars to be able to buy a vehicle in cash once I arrived in New Zealand. Looks like it’s going to take about three business days, or so, to get the cash, so I’ll get that squared away once I go to Utah.
From there, I headed over to Miguel’s shop for a while to show the wrecked Subaru to someone who is interested in buying it. Gratefully, it looks like he’s going to buy it, as he gave me $100 non-refundable down payment, and gratefully, he’s actually going to give me $50 more for it then what I actually paid for it, so… Though that won’t cover the fuel and whatnot to get it, nor come even close to the time spent dealing with it, at least it’s something. 🙃
🙏
Went over to Haven Hill for a while, and then to the neighborhood market, and then crashed for the night on Haven Hill.
Gratitude to My Father:
- I’m grateful to have found a buyer for the old wrecked Subaru, and so quickly.
- I’m grateful to have been able to have energy, amazingly, today despite having not slept probably more than an hour or so?
- I’m grateful to have been able to mostly let go and just move forward despite my relapse.
We. Celebrate. Successes!!! 🥳:
- We’ll call that a success, moving forward instead of crumbling in a discouraged and depressed heap.
Reflections on Where I Can Improve:
- I’ve been slipping in so many areas. I know that it was just God’s power keeping me clean, and miraculously, honestly. But I’ve watched myself slip, take it for granted, not follow the Lord in the ways I know He’s asked me to. That’s going to be the challenge.
Lift the world.
Bring it on.
~ stephen
Lift the World 