(written on October 7th, from notes taken previously)
Back at it with the basement walls this morning. I spent my time vacuuming in preparation for sealing the walls.
The walls, being made of a mix of Styrofoam and cement, have seen multiple years of degradation from being out in the sun, which has left many blocks with much looser foam beads. Also, having been out in the wind and the rain with lots of dirt work, there is a significant amount of dirt on the blocks, and I don’t want that to hamper the sealing efforts by having block faces that are too dirty for the sealant to properly stick to.
So I spent a pretty good chunk of the day vacuuming the exterior walls in an effort to clean them up enough to allow the sealant to properly stick.
Got interrupted by rain a bit, chatted with my brother Richard for a bit.
Spent some more time vacuuming the walls.
Spend some time chatting with my friend Cory for a bit.
I’m struggling.
Spent a fair amount of time, I think, again trying to connect with anti-Mormon Christians, trying to be a source of kindness and understanding amidst disagreement.
Spent some time chatting with my sister Heather about the basement walls and concerns and whatnot.
I’m struggling. Even when I’m doing “well,” I still haven’t figured out how to regain my drive and passion. So many years just feeling pounded into the dirt. So many years of trying and trying and trying and giving everything I had and feeling like all I do is fail again and again and again and never receive what I longed to receive and never achieve what I’m trying to achieve.
I’ve pretty much lost all confidence in myself.
Struggling.
~ stephen
Lift the World 