(written on the 22nd from those taken previously)
It’s been a really rough week. Pretty much ever since busting my butt trying to get all the foundation stuff squared away last Friday, I’ve been… mostly paralyzed and useless. 😕
And when I was finally able to pull myself up by my little boot straps and get moving, working on trying to seal up the holes that I drilled in my van’s roof, it turned into an epic fail.
Which reinforces what happens seemingly every time I finally pull myself out of the depths–whatever it is I try to do goes quite sideways.
What happened today? Well, I had all the resources I needed to do proper fiberglass repairs of the holes that I drilled in my roof, but when I tried to do the repairs, the fiberglass material in the tin that I had bought just didn’t seem right. As soon as I opened the tin, it seemed as though it was drier than it should be, but I’d never used that stuff before, so I didn’t know. So I tried to use it anyway, but the material dried so quickly that it wasn’t usable. I tried to put it in the holes that I had drilled, but it got super dry super quickly in sort of a crumbly texture.
I ended up spending probably 2 hours or so trying to dig out everything that I had just put in, further damaging the roof because it took so much effort and damaged more of the structural honeycomb to try and remove the crap that I had just tried to put in.
Discouraged.
I have nearly zero resilience. Yes, I always get back up, but I’m down most of the time. And even when I was doing well, I’ve never recovered my resilience. I’ve never recovered my passion for life. I’ve never recovered any sort of real drive of any kind.
And when I finally get going, everything just goes sideways.
😞
~ stephen
Lift the World 