(written on November 17th from notes taken previously)
It was colder last night. Still no blankets. I didn’t want to buy any because campervans usually come with all the bedding, and I didn’t want to waste the money. 😅
Sore shoulders with the lack of padding from the uncomfortable back seat.
I woke up to notice even more damage to the rental car.
I’m anxious. The online reviews of people not getting their deposits back and whatnot… Ugh.
When I took the pictures of all the damage I could find, it didn’t even dawn on me to take pictures of the rest of the vehicle, the parts that didn’t look damaged at first blush. So I don’t have any pictures of the areas where the damages that I’ve found since the weather has turned sunny.
There are little dings and dents all over that I didn’t see at first. 😕
I also… needed a bathroom, but… where?!?!
Hmmm… How about this empty plastic 2 quart ice cream container. 😅
I lined it with toilet paper, and it… became *Micro* John. 💩🫙
😅
Put the lid on, and surprisingly, it was stink free! 💪🥳
I drove to Hamilton after that, and since I had time to kill while I waited for the people to come from Raglan to Hamilton (meaning, unfortunately, that I wouldn’t be able to hear the van startup cold 😕), I followed up on some online browsing that I had done and headed over to the Repco (like AutoZone) where I bought a bucket that had a screw-on lid.
Little John *2* has been birthed. 💪
💩🪣
I headed over to the Mitre10 and bought trash bags for Little John and then headed over to a park bathroom, where I disposed of Micro John’s contents. 😁
Actually worked out really well. 🙃
From there, I killed time at a local LDS church building parking lot, which is where I also met the people to look at the van.
They showed me around it, and I took it for a test drive. Brakes were soft, but otherwise, it seemed fine, though I didn’t get to hear it start cold. Hopefully, it’s ok there.
The sellers seemed like really nice people, a young Canadian couple, and afraid the other vehicles I was going to find would look good in pictures but turn out to be crappy and figuring that this one was going to get sold relatively quickly, I gave them a deposit.
I was excited for all of maybe an hour, and then… I crashed. It was a panic purchase, a fear purchase. I hadn’t given it a thorough lookover. I was just afraid of losing it and needed a van soon, or at least that’s what I was thinking.
I gave a $500 deposit, and I wasn’t going to actually be able to take ownership of the van until Saturday, my car rental being up Friday morning, which meant adding a day to the rental or vagabonding it for a day.
I went from being excited to being really really discouraged.
I was so mentally and emotionally out of it and screwed up that I didn’t even try to talk them down.
I should have. I’m pretty sure I overpaid but in my emotional state, I just couldn’t see that until it was too late. I was just afraid of staring down the barrel of it taking a *long* time to find a vehicle.
I guess after the experience last time where we had been so lucky to find a vehicle within a couple hours of being in New Zealand, the very first vehicle we even looked at, and it doing well enough for us for 2 months, that I sort of expected the same thing?
Pretty unrealistic, given how challenging it is normally to find a decent used vehicle, but that was my brain.
So I was anxious and discouraged and really really struggling.
God, what am I *doing* here?!?!?!
I headed to the grocery store, had the closest thing to a real panic attack that I’ve ever had in my life, and started texting my mom.
I’m just broken, and I want life to be over. 😞
I’m chatting with my mom, we thought about the possibility of just letting go of the $500 and going to look at other vans.
I’d thought about that, and I think I’m gonna give it a try.
Rough rough day today. Bad thinking. Stupid decisions.
Drove back up north to a possible camp site, hanging out there for a bit before deciding to go back to the Onewhero rugby place for a third time.
Chatted with my sister Heather for a bit.
Really crappy trip so far. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t want to be here. I feel like I’m wasting my time and my life… for what?
These last many years have broken me in ways that I never imagined. I feel so pathetic.
I did see this today, though.
Lift the World 