(written on the 4th)
It rained nearly all day, and I, paralyzed by my phone issue in addition to everything else, couldn’t get going at all.
I want to head south, go to Edoras, play in the mountains and lakes, go swim with the dolphins again, etc., but…
My first priority is getting my phone fixed, and that’s… not likely to happen successfully away from Christchurch as long as I’m in the South Island.
I don’t know that, but I would guess it’s not realistic?
So I sort of feel stuck here in probably the most uninteresting (to me) and spread out landscape in all of New Zealand. 😅
The choice is basically between city and flat farmland. Mountains are a ways away to be commuting back and forth for cell-phone repair efforts.
I mean, there’s beach available, too.
In objective, observable reality, I’m spoiled. Who has the opportunities I have right now?
Few people.
So many options available to me.
Internally, though, I’m still an emotional wreck, a mental health mess, so all my options are sort of lost in the fog of continuous emotional overwhelm and hopelessness.
Right now, I just want out.
I want to get away from Christchurch and this flat land where there’s no reasonable escape in sight.
I want to be free to roam around away from everything–out where I can breathe.
I keep kicking myself over and over for the ridiculous attention seeking that got me here.
Good crap, Stephen. 😒
[sigh]
I paid a really frustrating, enduring price this time in money, time, stress…
So not worth it.
I made efforts yesterday, but parts weren’t available, and I needed to leave, and I didn’t know where to go except to go where I was the last night before I went to Fiji.
So that’s where I’ve been… since last night. And all day today. Just… wasting my life in front of my phone watching Bosch.
😕
I don’t want to be like this.
I don’t.
😞
But that’s where I am right now… still.
And still no pictures. 😕
~ stephen
Lift the World 