I was anxious enough that I didn't sleep well, eventually waking up a couple hours earlier than I wanted to after a short night's sleep. Gratefully, I was able to get myself going enough to get done the things that needed to be done prior to driving up to Kansas City. One of the bonuses … Continue reading 2025-01-15 (Wednesday) — Alaska!!!

With so much anxiety and anger inside me right now, and with only continual downward sliding in the forecast, I'm gonna try and do a gratitude post, in the hopes I can arrest my broken mind and heart. I'm grateful that I didn't have any issues getting up this morning. My mom brought me a … Continue reading 2025-01-15 (Wednesday) — I Need Gratitude

(written on the 15th) I'm anxious. Living in a state of perpetual overwhelm, I'm pretty terrified right now to go to Alaska for my friend's wedding. So much to do. So many choices to make on the shoulders of someone whose emotional capacity affords little more than the ability to press the next episode button … Continue reading 2025-01-14 (Tuesday) — Anxious Anticipation

(written on the 13th) It's been a rough little bit. That's a pretty big understatement. There's not really much I want to say. I want there to be a record of my life that I can look back on, and maybe other people can learn from, even if I lack the personal fortitude to better … Continue reading 2025-01-12 (Sunday) — Days Just… Go By

Well, after long last, ET found a new home. As a chicken coop. 😶 Not quite what I envisioned after I spent so much time and energy and effort and money trying to make it look nice again for our Great Western road trip in '23 and then even more time and effort for the … Continue reading 2025-01-07 (Tuesday) — ET Flew The Coop

I just don't know what to think these days. I'm still shell-shocked from having lost so much money in such a little time because I just couldn't do what I knew I needed to do. It hasn't really sunk in. And I guess it doesn't really sink in so much because it's just numbers in … Continue reading 2025-01-06 (Monday) — Thoughts

It's not even noon. I've lost almost $20,000 trading since I started. I just couldn't stop myself today. Down nearly $16000 in just one day. There was nothing good to trade today during trading time, but could I have any discipline to not trade? Nope. I knew I wasn't doing what I should. I knew … Continue reading 2025-01-02 (Thursday) — New Year, Same Pathetic Me

It was a bit of a rough night last night. I went to bed earlier than I have in a long long time, and I had crazy weird dreams all night, sort of lucid dreaming, I think. I woke up for good I think somewhere around 5:10ish, finally giving up on the possibility of falling … Continue reading 2024-12-31 (Tuesday) — Clawing Back

(written on the 31st) Today was an absolutely devastating day. I returned to my old arrogant ways in my day trading, thinking that even though cognitively, I knew I was not properly prepared to train with big size yet, I just couldn't help myself getting in and sizing up. The results were absolutely devastating. I … Continue reading 2024-12-30 (Monday) — Biggest Loser

(written on the 31st) It's a little weird not trading. I miss it. 🙃 Had something odd happened last night before I went to bed. I started having another allergic reaction. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the one that was sending me into anaphylactic shock when I was in Washington state back in … Continue reading 2024-12-28 (Saturday) — New Holland Down